I'll add a bit more, because I feel our sitches are very similar in many ways. Like you i didn't know about any affair, but as everyone says here, assume it is true, whether EA or PA doesn't really matter. With my XH, she was the fantasy, the texting partner making him feel appreciated and strong and good, he loved the attention. The only way he was going to wake up was a) to actually be with her in some reality that involved realizing she didn't pick up a mop or make dinner or anything, really and b) realizing what he was about to lose (in my case, lost). You can't control either of these things! Maybe the faster he gets to it the better- let him go, let him meet his new reality. You take care of self and kids. GAL, etc. He might have a long road ahead of him to get there, you not being the problem, not being the one to blame can happen, over time. Be patient, listen to the vets. Patience is key. I remember reading on here how long it can take MLCers to come out of tunnel, if ever? Job scared me with her numbers. Take care.
