New thread- Newcomer pre-bomb drop

[Bern19]

Update time- After meeting with the IC on Saturday, she agreed that I have to confront the ww about the continued contact. She made it very clear that she feels I should go on the vacation with my kids, though. So, that left me with two options. Confront the ww now, and deal with the fallout before and while on vacation... IC felt things could be better or worse, It's hard to tell how she will respond. Or, try to keep the lid on this till after we return, taking the time to work on detachment, and then sitting her down when we return. She advised me that it will be hard, and will affect how much fun I have with my kids, but if things don't go well after confronting her, I'm risking the entire vacation. She said only I will know when I can no longer continue the charade. She really seemed to understand my struggle but wanted to make sure I didn't do anything to jeopardize the kids trip.

So, I decided that is what I'll do. Ramp up my GAL and detachment and keep the lid on the info I have. Great plan.... Then yesterday I got a text from OM's wife. She sent me a pic my WW sent to her WH. It's a pic of her with shirt pulled up and grabbing her bra covered breasts. Definitely not a pic she ever sent to me. OM's wife immediately texted my WW and told her to cease and desist. OM's wife didn't tell WW that she contacted me. So, I get home and of course WW didn't say anything. So laying in bed i ask her if she has anything to say. She him-hawed around and finally came clean about OM's wife contacting her about this pic she found. WW claimed it was pre D-day. Time stamp on the pic was 12/1. She claimed that was just from when he screenshot it so he could delete her text. Only problem is you can see the sleeve of her winter coat in the pic. Not too many days in September that she would have needed her winter coat on. (D-day was 10/3). If that wasn't enough, the coat she is wearing in the pic was purchased in late Oct. when we went out of town for the day. Oops, guess that pic is two months after D-day.

So, I ended up telling her that I can't keep going like this. We both knew she was lying and that I didn't want to listen to her talk anymore. Still didn't tell her I know about the other communications and the offer of the secret phone from the friend. I did tell her she obviously doesn't know what she wants, but it clearly isn't me. I suggested a separation. She didn't want that, I persisted but she didn't want us to make any decisions right then. Last thing I said to her is that I am no longer willing to share my life with her while she shares hers with him.

Today the OM's wife followed him and sure enough, the two of them were together (in a small group, but still together) I guess OM's wife went off of them. She texted me to let me know, and the wife texts immediately to try to explain why she had to talk to him. She needed to find out what happened yesterday and ask him why he still has her naughty pictures. Yeah right.... She's texted a couple of other times to say she's sorry. Then again later saying the reason she can't tell me big things is I refuse to believe her on the little things. Really? it's a bit hard to believe anyone when they lie about this sitch on EVERY SINGLE incident. Oh, and she asked "what about our trip?" I only responded once, about the trip. Wish I hadn't of even done that now. Told her "I don't know what to do, I guess we'll have to figure it out." I still want to take my kids to Disney.

So, unlike many of you. My wife continues to pretend she's working on the marriage. Many of you have been BD by your spouse about wanting separation or divorce. But what do you do when the wife continues to pretend she's wanting to work on the marriage? She's accusing me of wanting to quit. I just can't keep going while she hides everything from me. She's great at apologizing, just bad at keeping OM out of her life.