W said she was done and deleted his contact....last night again she was laying on couch and phone was right there and 2 texts and OMs # were on screen. I told her her bf was calling...I know passive aggressive, impatient, etc etc.
You're in a tough situation, because she's sort of softening her position towards you but she's still clinging to OM at the same time. If she were still a full-blown WAS then the below advice would be different, but I don't think she is so here we go:
I agree that your reaction was P/A, a better response would have been something like "I thought you told me you would block OM, it hurts me to see that you are still in contact with him." Let her know how it makes you feel, and do it in language that isn't confrontational or blaming.
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but did say they were still friends.
Tell her something like "I would like to work on the M with you but I do not feel we can effectively do that as long as you remain in any kind of relationship with him. I would like for you to tell him to quit contacting you, and then block him. That would make me feel much better about where we are going. Do you think this is something you can agree to?"
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So I flipped off a little and did not sleep in bed with her.
That's also a P/A response. Try to think of ways to resolve issues by communicating with her rather than ignoring her. Because the former will let her know you've grown and changed while the latter will just look like "more of the same" behavior.
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The right thing to do was ignore as things seem to have been fizzleing and she has been moving closer and closer to me.
Ignoring it is absolutely the wrong thing to do! Ignore it and it will just cause resentment to build.
