My Story Pt 2

[Manta]

Journaling Feb 6th 2019:


I haven't updated in a while, however, it's important that I share how I'm getting on as part of my journey.

Well, this week it's going to be 6 months since DDay with my WW.

I can't believe I have made it to this milestone. I never in my mind last summer would have thought I could make it this far and still function. I have no update on my WW. Still, NC, haven't seen her since September 2018, also that's the last time we spoke properly. She still hasn't responded to my solicitor and last message sent was mid-October. AFAIK she's still in the A with her AP. I don't check social media or anything in months. I'm completely 110% detached.

How am I feeling?


Well better.... Is that one way to say it? Much better than last year. Read my posts lol

I feel some days anger, sadness, loneliness, and pain, but I am stronger.

My mind is focused again on work and also my hobbies. Christmas hit me hard, but work is going well and I'm enjoying the new challenges and projects.

I'm still not dating or haven't been with anyone since my WW. I'm not ready for any relationships at the moment, as my main relationship is with myself and loving ME again. When I'm happy, I'll make someone else happy.

I'm not blaming myself or being self-critical anymore and actually focusing on my good qualities and developing myself.

I lost a lot of weight and bought new clothes too, that fit me nicely.

I can see girls in work and also at the weekends even taking notice of me now. Even last weekend two different women told me I was very good looking and were VERY flirtatious.....That meant a lot to me, as I have really felt unattractive for a long time. I didn't pursue, as they certainly were not my type. But it's nice to feel like I guess!? lol

My obsessive thoughts have calmed a lot. Meditation and prayer have helped me a lot, including really learning about relationships and the dynamics of men & women. Even if my WW does/does not come back, I know that now I have the knowledge (still learning) & tools to make the next relationship much more balanced.

This whole experience hasn't killed me and I'm stronger, more vocal now and certainly don't take crap anymore. Maybe this is what I always needed, but I find that the Manta 2018 and Manta 2019 are two different people. Maybe that innocence is lost forever, but I still know "I will be ok"


What's Next?


I have booked a week's holiday for myself to the Spanish islands in a few weeks time. This will be my first holiday on my own in a long long time. I really want to do nice things for myself again. I deserve a break and who knows what might happen. I will bring my Kindle, some songs on my iPod and my smile.

I continue to spend time with my friend's and family and letting people love me again.

I remain focused on my work and making sure I can be the best leader for my team and company.

If WW does or does not want to come back, I will be ok. I'm happy on my own at the moment. It's given me peace of mind to reevaluate my life and goals. Perhaps I will travel the world again, or start a new adventure somewhere else on this big planet.

I know that I will need to deal with WW, even if she doesn't come back and doesn't contact me. If she doesn't want to R and wants the M over, i can't stop her. But I will stand for my M until the end. I wish her the best, it's sad that she doesn't see the A for what it really is. "An Escape"

Thank's everyone for all your help. I will keep journaling and helping you as best as I can. Maybe one day I might get to meet one of you all. You're welcome to visit me in Ireland anytime

[u][/u]