In both instances I recognized my bad behavior and its impact on the R, and addressed the dynamic of why I was acting as I did. I believe this will be the last time I do so as it has happened several times already and outside of MC/recon efforts I'm not sure how much more value there is in continuing to validate my shortcomings. Thoughts on this much appreciated - is there such a thing as too much?
Oh yes, absolutely. If you've apologized once or twice and it was sincere and genuine (IE, not just "I'm sorry" but actually talking about what you did wrong and apologizing for it) then don't keep revisiting it. WAS's love to rewrite history to blame the LBS for everything. When the LBS overly apologizes for everything under the sun then it just helps convince the WAS that her version of history is correct and it really is all his fault.
Quote
W admitted she was probably critical of me and a beeatch at time but that it was only because she was fed up with me.
So again, all your fault. Doesn't sound to me like she's owning up to anything.
Quote
As the discussion flowed I tried to drill down into what is one of the main issues from my view - that regardless of the situation W spoke to me with such disrespect (sometimes blatant, sometimes veiled), sarcastic, snide comments, put-downs and insults that are never acceptable in a M. She hit me with - "I am just blunt" and "You are too sensitive". My response was that there is a difference between being "blunt" and being rude and disrespectful.
Don't tell her she's being disrespectful after the fact as that just sounds like blame. You need to do it WHEN she is being disrespectful. THAT is the time to state "I am not going to be treated with disrespect like this" and then walk away, or leave the house or whatever it takes to send her a message that you're not putting up with it.
Quote
I think I am just done with any R talks for quite awhile, even if W initiates, because my points regarding W's behavior have been made and my acknowledgment of my issues has also been made. Outside of MC I am just not feeling any more need to get into it. W did say that she would attend MC with me, but with the idea that it would help convince me that we are a bad fit and the M is over.
Well at least she's honest. DO NOT go to MC. Go to IC if you feel it helps you, but don't do MC at all. She's right, she will only do it to check off her list of "things I did to save the M but just proved it was already over."
Quote
W seems to be pressuring me to agree that D is mutual and that we will never work.
"W, I do not want a D, I want to work on the M. But I understand this is what you want and I will not stand in your way. I will support your decision no matter what it is." Be respectful, not argumentative. You can disagree with her while still letting her know it's her decision and you will abide by it. Because legally you don't have a choice anyway, it only takes one to D. Your goal is to remove all pressure. Go along with whatever she says. Don't do the work yourself, but don't block her actions if she does the work. Most of the time if the WAS gets the sense that the LBS isn't going to fight the D, then they don't feel pressured to pursue it and they will put it on the back burner for "later".
