(((Living))). Those talks really, really s#ck. My H pretty much yelled at me that he wants to be divorced by the summer because he wants to date [guilt free] and not have this “hanging over his head”. Thirteen years together... now just something hanging over his head that he needs to rid himself of. It hurts beyond belief.
Yes...you have to pick yourself up. Same game plan. Nothing has changed except that you had an R talk when he is clearly in the same frame of mind that he was at BD. You don’t know how this is going to end up but you do know that nothing is going to change overnight. You have done really well with the 180s but it seems like you have done them in order to get your H to change his mind instead of doing them for you. Ultimately, of course, you would like to save your marriage but the only chance you have to do that is to let him go. Give him space and time. Get busy. Get out of the house... a lot. Stop worrying about and wondering what he is thinking or doing. Treat him like he is your roommate. Take care of yourself and let him take care of himself. Don’t ask questions that you may not want the answer to. When/if his feelings start to change, you will know it. Until then, live life for you and your S. Right now it is going to take a lot of effort and you aren’t going to feel like doing it. It will get easier, I promise. (((HUGS)))
Thank you DejaVu6, I appreciate it. I will be honest I did do the 180’s for myself to give myself the satisfaction of knowing I tried. I still feel good about the progress I’ve made. Perhaps like I said upthread, his loss will be another persons gain. My H no longer deserves me. He is selfish and only thinking of himself.
I was doing so well and then for some reason this still hit me like a ton of bricks hearing this crap again. I told him he didn’t deserve me and I hope that he lives to regret what he’s done to me. I know all the wrong things to say but again, I just couldn’t hold back. But the truth is he doesn’t deserve me. I’ve been a good and loyal wife and he doesn’t find that hard to walk away from. I told him there’s going to come a time in life that he’s going to wish that he had a woman like me and she won’t be there. He tells me I’m not going to wish bad on you like that because I want you to be happy. Really, really dude?
I know I will get through this but today totally [censored]. Here I am another sleepless night. But I have got to pick myself up and figure out my next move for me and my S. Because I’m not staying with this dude. He refuses to leave this house. I’ve got to gather my thoughts, which will take a couple of days but I’m going back to see the lawyer.
Sorry to hear about your sitch, how can people be so cruel to those who love them?
Its cause they are in the relief stage. They have finally done it , broke up with you. They are relieved in control and not in a loss like the lbs is . Like everyone on here says they are reading from a script , etc. We almost all hear the same things come out of our spouses mouths. It really is amazing to me they all say the exact same things. I do believe we lbs's are in a loss we have just lost something and feel the pain. They do not really feel the pain cause they wanted to do it just needed to make it happen. Like others say unfortunately for us they need to experience the loss stge and that could take awhile, if ever. They are the prize and we arent the prize anymore. I still agree though it hurts so bad to think they can do this to us. Its like you would never ever think it would be possible for them to be so mean and cruel.
All of this! I will never understand how he got to this place. Never. I don't wish this pain on my worst enemy. I know I need to regroup and figure out my next move. I messed up and now I need to dig my way out of this horrible feeling again. It is like morning the same death over and over and over again.
I say that all the time. I would never wish this on anyone. NO ONE
