Living, I'm so sorry to hear your report. I second everything DejaVu6 said.
It isn't helpful at all, but it does sound like your H is going through his own depression/MLC/issues and following script. The part where he said that the love "just died" and that he sees it as something outside of himself, and that he does not see his own connection to his M. Unimaginable to us, but I do think from their perspective they think they are being honest.
Of course this hit you like a ton of bricks. We're thinking of you as you process this information and make decisions for you and S. Take your time in this if you are able to. You are not on a deadline, so focus on calm, rational decisions that will not cause you lasting harm.
Thank you Yail. Today is s tough day, I barely slept a wink. I know I need to taken some time to get my thoughts together. Right now they are all over the place. I have a lot of processing to do and a lot of decisions to make.
You summed it up perfectly, I never even thought of it that way...the point where you said my H doesn’t see his own connection to the marriage. He doesn’t see how he totally contributed to where we are. He NEVER showed up when things got tough. He never even tried to work on the issues we were having in our marriage. Instead per his claims, he had been feeling like our marriage was in trouble for years, yet he never said a word. He never suggested counseling...nothing. He just decided to give up. And for that I’m angry with him and probably will be for a long time.
Then for him to see he knows I still love him becusse he can feel it. Like what did that have to do with you basically re-affirming that you no longer have it for me or this M?
I also think he’s created this fantasy that we are still going to be the best of friends once things are over. No Sir! He’s convinced himself that he will be happier without me. That is life will be happier when he’s not married. He’s convinced that he deserves to someday have another meaningful relationship. For me to say he doesn’t deserve that he thinks I’m wishing bad on him.
Who knows, maybe he will be happier without me. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe he won’t ever regret walking away. He seems to be convinced that this is what he wants. Maybe I’m kidding myself for thinking one day he will feel regret and remorse. Maybe that’s just the part of me that wants him to suffer that thinks that. Maybe he will be happier than ever once he escapes this prison known as marriage.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
