13 years and 2 kids pt. 4.

[Hurt213]

Journaling:

So time flies, and its been 4 days since my last journal entry. I guess, it is because I most of the time feel really good, have a busy schedule, and I take that as a positive sign for my healing.

So what has happened: I am still receiving an increasing amount of texts from WW on a daily basis. Most of them are regarding kids experiences when I am not with them. I do not respond to these texts, not because I dont appreciate the information about my kids, but because they are not questions, just facts.

I have caught up all my work, that I led slide in the aftermath of this whole mess, and that is a real nice feeling, not having any stressing elements regarding work deadlines hanging around.

I struggle from time to time with a bit of mind reading, but nothing compared to what I did, and I try to engage in activities that snaps me out of it, whenever it comes over me. Its getting easier by the day, and I am not saying it is easy you all know its not, but it gets better and better.

I went home yesterday, to take my kids to gymnastics, and WW wanted to come, so she did. The kids loved it, and I just had a blast with them. WW tries to engage in fun conversation, and threw softballs at me and stuff, I am struggling a bit with two things here, which show I got work to do:

1. She is welcome to join us, and I was happy and enjoyed me time with the kids, however I felt her presence there as a disturbance. She just looks like "so I ended it, im with another man, and yea, lets have fun and be best buddies,". Im not about that. I just shrug it off, and knew that it ment the world to the kids, and it was only 2 hours of my tuesday, so it was fine.

2. She is acting VERY kind, and is basically trying to be the person she was when we were in a R. I dont quite get it, and I look at her actions, and they tell a completely other story. Example: So for 95 % of the time yesterday, she ran around after me, trying to strike up conversation, and joke like we used to. Then we are setting up an activity course for the kids, and she is beside me, helping out with the materials. I do as told by the instructor, but I turn one of the materials 180 degrees to the wrong side, and with no warning, WW just hiss at me in a low pitch voice, and says, "Hurt, its all wrong! turn it around!" <-- That shows me, that behind the nice and friendly exterior, is a person who has a lot of resentment, because there are more examples, where I try my best but do something she does not agree with or I do something another way then she expected me to, and she flips like a switch.

Its my best guess that this is because of some hate she has build up? am I right here?

Anyways, gym was fine, and I am fine. Got IC session in an hour, followed by 2 hours at the gym, then a coffee at my sisters place and then a movie tonight... who talked about GAL? .

I would say about my self: On my best days, I think about this past life very little. I can think about my kids now, but not in the context of what was, but in the context in what is, and that is nice. My WW seems genuinely happy about where she is, and that, I won't ruin by being an ass. I got my life, she now has hers, and she has no intentions of seeing me again as a romantic partner, thats very clear I feel with the way she threats me so nice, speaks in a soft voice, and then boom flips like a crazy person, so onwards, upwards and ahoy - better adventures await, but for now, I focus on bettering myself, so I can be the best version of, well me, when I meet that special someone.

/Hurt..