Still in Limbo

[Living]

Guys....

We had the dreaded R talk tonight. Basically we got on the subject because H asked me what was on my mind. I said nothing. He said I can tell you’ve been deep in thought for the last few days, what is it? Before I knew it I just let it rip. Listen guys I know that’s against the rules but toning I just couldn’t hold back. I told him I’m tired and that this isn’t what I wanted for my M. I ran down all the ways he’s been selfish and disrespected me. I told him I don’t think I have any fight left in me. I told him that I feel like he’s slowly killing our M. I know stupid thing to say.

He responds why does it have to be that I killed it? Couldn’t it have just died? For me I can’t phantom the thought of a marriage just dying without contributing factors. However apparently this dude thinks it’s possible.

At this point I’m now filled with rage. He then says that it just isn’t there anymore and that he hopes one day I find happiness and he hopes I hope the same for him.

So here I am feeling like I’ve been hit by a Mac truck again. So now I have to figure out how to move on with my life. I never planned for this and really hoped things would turn around but I’m tired. I have tears running down my face as I type this. Before I kicked him out of my room he even looks at me and says, I know you still love me and I still love you. I know you’re saying some things out of anger but I know you still love me because I feel it. What in the absolute hell??? Of course I still love you idiot. I didn’t fire you, you fired me. Of course I never said the love word to him. I figured I’ve done enough. I even told him he fired me as his wife and he said no I didn’t.

Dude! Yes you did! Urrrgggghhh! I’m just so mad I want to hurt him bad. I can not believe this jerk married me only to give up 11 years in.

Now I have to pick up the pieces of my life and figure out what my next move will be for my S and I. Because my H no longer wants this M. He seems consistent on that.