Then yesterday during part of the previous ordeal, it came up again about taking advantage of me and I said how I have been managing the house and all cleaning and that she needed to help as shes been locking her self away in the guest room and not contributing to the household chores. She said yes you have been doing a very good job at maintaining the house, and I stay in there because I have nothing else to do. So I said then if you got nothing to do why haven't you helped around the house. Her response is because I've been taking advantage of the fact you've been doing it. So I said again, that I will not be taken advantage of and she needs to help.
So what's the plan then? You just tell her she needs to help you around the house and...? Do you have a detailed list of roles and responsibilities? That's what I'd be drawing up right now.
The passive aggressive stuff with the plate looks petty and childish.
I'm only here to help. If you don't want it then I'll put my time in elsewhere, but I'm telling you that I've walked this road and came out on the other side with my R in tact and I've been piecing for three years.
I know I'm coming off as harsh, but I'm doing it from a place of respect for the journey you are about to embark on. This isn't easy, it's "hard mode." trying to re-route a R that is at this point is 100X harder than just going through a D. The crappiest part about it is that you can walk through this pit of fire and broken glass we call divorce busting and still end up in the "surviving the big D" section of this site. It's probably a more likely destination than piecing if I'm telling the honest truth, but it doesn't make you a failure. The only failures are people who fail to evolve, change and learn from the process.
I had a therapist tell me once that you can't save a relationship, you can only save yourself and make yourself the person you want to be. It's what we call being the "lighthouse" around here, but it was put into different terms.
Bottom line is that we all initially found this forum in some effort to try to save our R or M, but what you'll really find here is a place to save yourself; to become a "man only a fool would leave" so that you have the confidence to know that you are deserving of a quality R, whether it be a new, better one with your WW or someone else down the line.
The craziest part is that even if I decided to go in a different direction and not stay with my W, I would've still ended up feeling successful because due to this life-changing catalyst I had to endure, I became willing to accept that I wasn't who I wanted to be. Am I who I want to be now? No. Am I closer? absolutely!
So take the advice or don't -I get that not everyone's communication styles jive, so if I'm not the guy to bounce ides off, I totally understand- But know that you don't have to get defensive or justify your actions to anyone here. It's counterproductive to do so and doesn't allow for positive dialogue that can actually help with your sitch.
