If your spouse shows confusion, extreme changes in behaviour, or operating on mostly emotional “reasoning” they are probably are in some kind of crisis. We all have issues, hurts, and damage - their’s is just possibly bigger and/or their coping mechanism is less developed, so MLC hits. The depression of lost time and a short time left ahead of you and all the things they didn’t do, etc.. etc... is a recipe for a big problem. And then comes bomb drop.
I’ve read a lot of situations here and some spouses were jerks before BD, and they do seem to get worse. So yes the selfish jerk absolutely exists, I just believe that MLC is also involved in some cases. I don’t see how being selfish explains leaving kids, family, and ruining your life. Being selfish is one thing, but some of these people are making really poor decisions.
A “normal” selfish person would be invested in self. Would make decisions for the best for them. When they making snap emotionally based life altering decisions, it looks more than just being self centered, it looks like running.
Of course everyone is different, and every spouse is different. We all see our situations with our views and beliefs, and our spouses all have differing quantities of selfish jerk and MLCer emotional running within them. It leads to such a difficult diagnosis of cause, even though the effect is pretty darn clear.
For my situation, W was selfish back in her teens. Like all of us, a self centered adolescent. She and I grew up, had kids, lived, loved, laughed. Then kablooey. She has shown confusion, thought she was going insane and crazy, had an extreme change from loving faithful wife and mother. I have spoken to her different personalities, all of them adolescent, and therefore all of them self centered, just worse. A bad teen with money.
She is back in time, living something, I don’t know what. She has become a sad confused women, who threw away her own children. Selfish just doesn’t cover all of it.
MLC is a real thing.
Selfish jerk is a real thing.
The proportions are just in question.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
