I hope you're all doing as well as possible given your circumstances. I've been swamped with work and activities these past few weeks. Several times I've sat down to post here but I'm either two tired or I get interrupted. I'll write more later but I want to offer a quick response to those of you where so kind to respond.
Ginger - too bad to hear your ex-husband hasn't changed. It's hard to imagine how someone can feel it's sufficient to be a part-time dad. It's helpful to hear this since you went through a divorce far enough back that you're able to reflect and also report back on how things progressed over the years. Your thought process about wanting to leave by now for your daughter's sake, if it hadn't happened earlier, makes sense. It's also encouraging to hear you found love again! That's amazing!
Lonewlf - your message of hope is a good one. I hope the same! I know we all have to think positive. This is an uphill battle for me but I'm trying. I hope you're doing well! I think I read recently that your wife is inching closer to divorce. Too bad there's been no miracle turnaround but you never know.
Sia - thanks for clarifying. I'll try to do more of what you suggest. I do some of those things such as making tea when I sit down to work at night and there are books that I'm trying to read. I know someday it'll get easier to do those things. I still have to figure out what the custody arrangement will look like (if anything) and what kind of nanny I can afford once we switch from private preschool to public kindergarten in the summer. Currently everything is in crisis mode without enough time or money to have a balanced life but I look forward to figuring out a better path. I hope you're doing well by the way. I want to re-read and respond to your latest post!
KitKat - I love your no-nonsense and clear suggestions. You have a great writing style! It'd be fun to meet you in person. :-) I think the days of being stuck will soon end because 1) my husband will soon file for divorce. I'm sure he will since he's living with his girlfriend and surely there's pressure from her and 2) despite my grief I'm working on a plan to start spending about 1/3 of each year in Northern Europe which will create new opportunities and a chance to spend more time with friends who are like family. I still don't want to file though. It's just not something I want to do. It has helped quite a bit to find out that this other woman is living in our home however. It clarified a lot of things. In any case, we're all multi-faceted beings and we offer little glimpses of our lives here that may not tell the whole story or paint the full picture. I'm not sure if I see myself out dating lots of guys but in certain cases if someone really has potential I'll try it. I'll write more about this in a minute but I have to start with the very basics because I've never freely dated in my life and it's not something I have any interest in doing. I'll try to learn how it all works though. Regarding the guy who seems happy to get divorced - if he followed-up and wanted to meet again I'd consider it and I won't hold his views against him. I can imagine if he's been supressed by his wife all these years he's happy to be free to breath and live again. The thing is just that we just didn't find a point of connection from an emotional perspective. I didn't reach out to him again and he didn't reach out to me. I think I'd have more in common with the type of guy who posts here in this forum than with someone who is feeling great about leaving his wife even though maybe in a year or two I'll be in a different place. We'll see.
Davide - I'll try to keep pushing the limits! I'm not sure how much more dating I want to do right now but there is a situation that's evolved that relates to this topic. I'll write about it in a minute. I can also see how emotional maturity is a big factor and should be part of a healthy relationship. It's more realistic to think that some marriages are better off ending due to issues like these even though it's hard when you see marriage as a lifelong commitment under all circumstances.
I'll try to share a few quick updates and then I hope to post more later.
Regarding my marriage situation, my husband says he's moving to our area in March but I haven't asked any questions. We haven't spoken now since the holidays aside from a few basic texts like him asking about the tax forms and me asking if he's good with us going to Europe earlier-than-planned (since he has to write a letter of permission for our daughter to leave the country). I didn't let him into our apartment again the last time he came. I struggle with thoughts of this other woman in our house but I've been busy so that helps.
Recently I've talked a lot with friends in Europe. I decided to go as soon as possible, in April or May, to work on a business venture I started with one group and to check about real estate options. If the divorce turns out well I should be in a position to invest in a small property and spend part of the year (summers, holidays, long weekends, etc..) in Europe. My employer has been supportive of this plan since most of our clients are in Europe and it shouldn't be too hard to bring my daughter. Planning for this partial move has lifted my spirits somewhat. I had been living overseas before marriage and I only came back to the US because my husband had to get a green card and citizenship. Then we planned our life here due to his career and mine being so flexible. If I don't have to stay here I'd rather leave but with a young daughter it's not that easy so I'll see if we can go back-and-forth.
About dating, I guess we all have a certain type of person we imagine meeting and falling in love with. For me I don't expect to find the type of guy I'd like to meet here in the US. It could always happen, but to me this feels like a remote possibility. At the moment I'd really like to focus on the big picture and where I want to be in the long-term. My career is going well and I think my daughter would benefit from traveling and having a lot of international experiences as she grows so I'm hoping my plan works out and maybe I'll meet someone along the way. There is a specific dating-related situation I'm currently though that I'll try to write about tonight. I'm just so clueless. I'll post a little on Ballast's thread but communicating with someone online is just a total mystery.
