I go from being convinced that I’m doing the right thing by standing for my marriage to feeling like throwing in the towel.
I know, I know it’s a marathon not a sprint but I’m just being honest.
...
Like I understand he’s going through something. God knows I’m trying to stand and honor my vows. But the other part of me says...girl you deserve more. But I’m stuck on the vow thing. I take them seriously
I'm with you on the above. I am convinced of both sides of the coin depending on the minute. I look at the calendar and realize that this has not been that long, so I do not need to pressure myself to "move on". But then I remember that W has literally moved states, and it is not my role to wait for her to come to some imaginary epiphany. If she turns back around towards me she will need to meet me whereever I am at the time, and that likely won't be in the "sitting and waiting" place she left me in.
More days than not I'm basing my decision to stand for now on three factors.
1) It has been a short period of time, and if I am still rollercoastering there is no need to falsely try to "speed up" my own moving on process. It will happen in its own time
2) W has asked for a D, but not proceeded with any paperwork yet to my knowledge. I will reassess my position at the 6-month mark of our S (beginning of May), which is the point of time when we can proceed with a D. Assuming she files at that time I will take her actions at face value. If anything changes and she does not proceed with filing I will reassess my own feelings at that time.
3) Whether or not it is "MLC", I do believe my W is going through something deeply personal. I believe my M vows should honor that, despite the H311 I'm going through now. The first line of our vows were, "I take you as you are and who you will become".
I mostly wanted to stop here to say that your feelings of confusion and anger and cycling are understood. Have a vacation planned yet? I think it's time for a count-down to your next fun event, whatever that may be.
