Uncertain of What I Have (Thread 6)

[LH19]

B,

You are really spinning right now and keep rehashing the same things over and over. I think you may want to up your IC visits to more than once every two weeks.

I believe I mentioned this before, but I just miss the reciprocal love / sex / attention / affection from a woman right now. What’s odd is that I’m not sure if I especially want sex / physical affection from W right now—

B you really have to use to the fact that this is probably not going to happen for a really long time. Do you think your W would consider you needy and codependent?

I’ve thought about if / when that happens, and that later on if we get to that point, I’m sure perhaps a sex therapist might be in our future, because it’s been a while since sex / physical affection between us—I feel like it would be awkward.

You are really putting the cart before the horse here. Do not waste another ounce of energy on this thought pattern. All your focus should be on 180s and improving yourself.

I don’t feel like I deserve this in general, but especially the lack of affection part.

Do you think your W should be giving you love and affection right now?

I don’t recall withholding it from her before BD, and when we practiced NFP we probably went at most 2 weeks without sex, unless W was gone for work for a longer period of time. While she was unhappy that I didn’t always give her what she wanted sexually, I was never mean about it, I would sexually pursue her, and I was usually very physically affectionate with her.

You have mentioned this exact paragraph before. You are wasting time spinning about the past.

From what I’ve read here, I know that for her, sex / affection comes down to respect for me, and for whatever reason, she doesn’t have it, so if I want that back, I’ll have to work on getting her respect for me back. But I have to wonder how much I want her right now, myself.

One minute you are pining for her and the next minute you don't want her back. You really have to slow down and take a deep breath and take the focus off her completely.

Bo I am going to shoot it straight to you that you need to start preparing for the fact that things going to get worse for you before they get better and you need to mentally start preparing for it. I get the sense from your posts that you are about to backslide and do more damage then has already been done up to this point.