Thanks DV - H behaviour yesterday wasn't passive aggressive (for once). Mine was. I thought I was off the emotional roller coaster, but apparently I am not. This time it isn't my hurt that has clouded my judgement, it is D12.
After we had the chat, she was smiling again. I told her we would be fine. That she and her sister were the two things in this world I loved most, and also the two things in this world their dad loves most. That would never change. I told her her dad and I would always love one another, we just can't live together. Things might change, like we might have to move because I can't afford this house, and bless her, D9 said "this house is too big for just the three of us". D12 said she would have to sell most of her things and I replied that, yes, probably but that they are just things. We all sat quietly on the floor. I then said that she had a choice, either show me what was on her phone, or I would delete all the apps. Her body language changed, she looked me straight in the eye, tears on her face again, and said "delete them". I told her not to do anything rash, sleep on it and she had until this morning to decide. Again, she repeated "I told you to delete them" and walked off and sat by the fire. She didn't move from that spot for over an hour. Just sat there, staring at the fire. Finally I told her she had to go to bed. She didn't even look up. Just got up and walked to her room.
I don't know what to say to her. I don't know what to say to him. The right thing to do is to talk to him when he calls today - which he will. But I can't. I still blame him for this. Her hurt is my hurt and in exactly the same way, I know I won't be able to control my emotions. I will either get angry and escalate, or, in my own way, beg him to come home. I can feel myself going back to using coldness as protection.
I don't know why he hasn't formalised things. Sometimes I think it is because he has it too easy. Sometimes I think that he can't let go either. He was unwell yesterday and instead of staying in his own flat, watching TV, and feeling sorry for himself, he decided to do that here (for five hours). When I am ill all I want is to be in my own home. He wouldn't have done that if I was here though. Only when I am out. He wants the house, he wants the kids, but only when it suits him. At no point does he actually want me - he just wants me to pay for the house and look after his kids.
Sorry, I'm ranting and why I can't talk to him today.
