Hi Adam - I wanted to say re your early post about my response making you doubt yourself. That was never my intention. I just wanted you to question your motivations. All the advice here, whether it be from a newbie like me or from the vets, will be flavoured by our own experience.
Whilst the sign posts in many of our sitch's are the same (BD, EA/PA, rewriting history, treating us like we are sub human etc) its the finer details that make each sitch, and therefore, each experience slightly different. My H did not have an affair. He is, in his own way, trying to do the right thing (though the right thing for me and the right thing for him are worlds apart). I know that he loves his kids - so I known that his motivations will be to try and do the best thing for them. He will throw in some self serving rationality in determining "what's best for them" but overall, the children will be at the forefront of any decision he makes. I am a person who, most of the time, try and understand other peoples motivations and try and apply compassion before making decisions.
So, my experience and therefore advice, will be slightly different.
Listen to everyone's point of view. You will know the words that resonate with you because only you know your truth. Only you know what the right thing to do is.
Good luck. I maintain that your W, under the fog, is someone who wants to do the right thing. Like my H, the right thing for her will have some self serving rationality applied to it, and will in parts, be miles away from being right thing for you. But, together, as long as the children remain your focus, you will find the right balance.
That doesn't mean I don't think you both need independent advice. You absolutely do.
