I'm confused... How can she get a court order to evict you? Does she own the home? If you are renting, is it just her name on the rental agreement? Honestly...she wants to leave on "her terms" and then wonders if you are okay? Wow! Does she think she has the upper hand because she is a woman? I am glad you have a lawyer to talk this over with because I think she is a little delusional. Her accusations are interesting. It is funny how dishonest and manipulative people always project themselves onto other people. Good luck with your meeting. Hope you get some good news. (((HUGS)))
We rent, and both of our names are on the rental agreement (my name is first, though, if it matters any). The utilities (power / electric and TV / internet) are also in my name, too—just mine, not hers.
I honestly believe that she thinks she has the upper hand because she’s a woman—she has repeatedly told me that courts will look more favorably upon the mother—which is why I need to ‘cooperate’ with her on this.
She may try to play sympathy on how much bigger I am than her physically (8 inches taller, 30-40 lbs. more).
On the advice of TF, and my L, I’ve been keeping a custody / child log of my actions / activities for my kids for the last 2-3 weeks or so. Every little thing I’ve done for them, I journal.
If she is so threatened or unsafe physically or emotionally, why am I spending so much time with the kids? Why do I do pick-ups? Why does she want me to drop them off for her a couple of days this month because she has work things? She needs me to walk YS around in the middle of the night, but if I’m so emotionally or physically unstable, she couldn’t trust me with that, could she? If I was so terrible, she also want to be seen with me in front of others, like at yesterday’s Super Bowl party with a co-worker of hers and the co-workers’ boyfriend?
She’s bananas.
I’m also glad to hear a woman’s perspective on all this, too—thank you DV (((HUGS)))
Originally Posted by Twofeet
DV,
She would probably file a DVRO claiming abuse. It happens all the time. I have heard horror stories in messy D where the H will preemptively file a DVRO on the W to beat her to the punch so to speak. There are routes to combat a potential DVRO, but I am not a L.
Bo,
It sounds like your W hasn't consulted a L because she either doesn't know what the heck she is talking about, she is attempting to manipulate you, or both. Sounds like she is also projecting her guilt. Take all the statements you posted and bring them to your L. Also maybe ask the L about the legality of recording these threats with your phone.
I’ll bring up the specific possibility of a DVRO with my L. I brought it up initially when we spoke a week or two ago—L asked me if the cops have ever been called to our place (no). I’ve not been physically or sexually abusive towards her or the boys (at least I don’t think I have been). I should also ask about audio recording interactions like this, too.
I think where she may be trying to go (I get it—mind-reading) is a claim of emotional abuse. Earlier I’ve talked about how she would bring up ‘abuse’ and that I’ve been emotionally abusive towards her—by not listening to her or changing behaviors that according to her ‘hurt’ her. According to her, that’s emotionally abusive. I ran this past the L—L doesn’t necessarily buy it. L said that it sounds more like ‘being stubborn.’
It sounds like she is really misinformed, or is better-informed than she lets on and is using twisted facts to manipulate me (‘stupid like a fox’—she does work in the intelligence field and knows about covers and keeping things covert). Also, appeals to emotion to manipulate, I’m sure.
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Bo562
*She brought up that she feels like I’m hiding something or holding something over her. She also gave me the chance to basically accuse her of something—I did not.
She wants to know if you know about the OM. This will put a hitch in her plan to tell everyone she started dating him after you were separated.
When we chatted on Friday, she told me that she wants the bird-nesting to be temporary, because she acknowledged that I would like to remarry at some point (which is true, for down the road—also would like to look into getting this annulled if I can, but that’s a different topic). She then told me about how she isn’t sure she will find anyone else or even wants to date and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH (and inside my eyes couldn’t roll far enough back into my head). All I’m thinking is ‘O RLY’??? I haven’t seen further evidence of OM, but I haven’t looked.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Yeah that is what happens when you effectively DB. They start to wonder why and they get all paranoid. That's why we say it's a marathon. It takes a long, long time before they start to see your changes are real and not just some kind of trick.
Glad to see some sort of validation re: DB’ing.
I do miss the woman that I used to spend time with—now we go our separate ways after we put the kids to bed, but I realize that that is giving her the space she supposedly needs. I also feel bad that I used to be so physically attracted to her, but now it’s not there. I am noticing that there are lots of really attractive women out there—there was a rather attractive woman with a great smile in front of me at Starbucks yesterday while OS was at Sunday School, though I believe she had a ring on. It’s nice to at least see that there are other women out there. I know this sounds terrible, but this is where I’m at.
