Lets see if it fosters any change.? Not only around the house, but in our lives. I doubt it though.
I would not attach expectations to your move back into the MBR. As the faithful spouse and as the head of your family, that's where you need to reside. I'm not for causing WWIII over a H taking back the MBR after he agreed to leave, however, it appears you handled it well, Now that you are back in your rightful place, don't be switching rooms again.
Quote
"How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
That scripture checks our pride every time, doesn't it?
The WW will use many cards to play, but the 2 most common is the guilt card (where she hits you in the most vulnerable area to guilt you into doing what she wants) and the control card (where she accuses you of trying to control her. Actually, it is the WW who is manipulating by playing these cards. So, you will need to stay balanced in your thinking, or else you will fall. H's often want to make up for his part of the downfall in the MR, and show his W how they can have a better relationship. If he's not careful, he allows 180's to become more about accommodating his WW, than improving himself as a man. Nothing works to change her feelings about her H, until she sees his actions reflect respect for himself as a man. When God said the woman's "desire will be unto her husband", everything changed for future MR's.
Speaking as a former WW, your W needs to see you standing tall & straight (like a leader) and not reveal emotions or inner weakness. She does not respect you as her H....or as a man. She is rebellious and you cannot pet her or spoil her. It is worse than having a rebellious child. I don't know how long she will be stubborn and rebellious, so you need to draw inner strength every day. One thing I see H's do is try to rationalize with the WW. It doesn't work. The H tries to relay to her some gems of truth he reads, hoping it will have positive influence on her. It doesn't work. The H's daily actions will be scrutinized by his WW. If she sees a man who won't put up with her selfish manipulations, and won't tolerate disrespectful interactions, and who will not succumb to her temptations, or get caught up in the snare she set.....then she will begin seeing him through new light. The key is consistency. This is going to take a long time, b/c her heart did not become cold, hard & rebellious overnight.
Don't try to change her mind. If you try to change her mind, then you'll be trying to get her to read something, watch something, hear a particular sermon, etc. She will see it as your attempt to save the M.....so, she'll treat you worse in order to convince you it's over. If she sees you being overly excited that she smiled at you, or spoke in a civil manner, or was on good behavior for s couple of hours........she's going to treat you badly to prove it's over. She doesn't want you trying to save the MR. Dropping the bomb was not her way of waking you up to work on the M. It was her way of telling you she's done. Yes, it woke you up, however, you have to be smart in how you go forward.
I wish it was as easy as sitting down and having a heart to heart conversation to work things out. Relationship talks don't work when your WW has reached this point. Oh, you might temporarily feel relieved by talking, but when you see her dig her heels in deeper.....you'll know it only made things worse. Therefore, let your behavior be your conversation.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
