*Threatening me with a court order to evict me if I don’t ‘cooperate’ (I told her that we both know that that is not necessary).
Not necessary? It's not even legally possible unless she owned the house outright before the two of you got married. Or unless she accuses you of spousal abuse.
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*Said she can get the process started without me, but is running out of patience
"This isn't what I want, but I know it's what you want and I will respect your wishes. I am not going to initiate proceedings myself, but if you do and you need information from me I will provide it. Until we settle things legally I'm not going anywhere though."
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*Wants me to consider bird-nesting on a trial basis—I told her I would need to think about that. When I asked her how long a ‘trial basis’ would be, she said a year, to coincide with a year’s lease on a new place. She refuses to leave; doesn’t want to ‘abandon’—neither of us want to leave.
Bo, you're kind of between a rock and a hard place on this one. If you refuse to do the bird-nesting thing you're kind of leaving her with no option but to pursue D as that is the only way she can get you out of the house. Bird-nesting is a good way to have kind of a trial separation for a while during which she may learn to miss you. It's also a way for both of you to have some time in the marital home with the kids, and the kids won't be getting shuffled around. There are some down-sides, the biggest one of course is that you won't see the kids every day but that's kind of inevitable through S or D anyway. There's also the possibility that no matter what you agree to beforehand, she may have an OM over at your house, or at the satellite location you are sharing sooner or later. That's kind of an icky thought.
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She admits that she’s noticed I’ve been different since around Thanksgiving—that for her it’s hard to get a read on me, and she wonders if I’m okay.
Yeah that is what happens when you effectively DB. They start to wonder why and they get all paranoid. That's why we say it's a marathon. It takes a long, long time before they start to see your changes are real and not just some kind of trick.
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Any questions or suggestions for L?
Yeah definitely discuss the eviction threats and find out what your rights are. Also find out if you need to be recording convos or anything to protect yourself.
