That whole bird-nesting thing seems like a set up for major awkwardness, IMO. In theory, I like the idea of the kids being able to stay in one home however, logistically, it seems like it would make it very difficult for you to move on if she is intent on making this a permanent arrangement. You need to have your own space. I can’t imagine going into the same apartment every other week and wondering who she was there with the week before and what they were doing. I think it really would be death by a thousand cuts. If I were you, I would just respond with a hard “no”... end of story. If she’s mad, so what. She knows where the front door is. Honestly, she is expecting way too much given that she is the only person who wants this. I don’t think my H even considered once that I would be the one to move out. He gave me the option, of course, but he knew I would never take him up on it. If anyone is going to be significantly inconvenienced by this forced separation, he knows it should be him. Your W needs to know this as well. (((HUGS)))
Agreed on all fronts.
I don’t especially like the idea of having another place that we share, and my wondering ‘who’s been sleeping in my bed’ (or whatever else may be going on).
W and I had a talk on Friday night now that I’m feeling better (been fighting a cold / virus that made me congested and dizzy at times). She wants me to agree to bird-nesting plan, or give a counter-offer. I told her that I object to it, and that if she wants to separate she can find her own place and leave.
Some ‘highlights,’ if you want to call it that:
*Threatening me with a court order to evict me if I don’t ‘cooperate’ (I told her that we both know that that is not necessary). I mean, if she’s concerned with how this will affect kids, what would that court order do?
*Said she can get the process started without me, but is running out of patience —that courts won’t look kindly on a ‘default judgment’ with respect to custody / divorce
*Wants me to consider bird-nesting on a trial basis—I told her I would need to think about that. When I asked her how long a ‘trial basis’ would be, she said a year, to coincide with a year’s lease on a new place. She refuses to leave; doesn’t want to ‘abandon’—neither of us want to leave.
*I asked her (and L brought this up)—if she wants to leave, why the parenting plan in place beforehand? She wants custody arrangement of parenting plan in place because she is afraid I will take kids (she cites that I could always leave at the end of the school year when my agreement / contract expires)—I told her that I would never do anything like that, and wouldn’t do anything to deprive them of their mommy (she counters with you never know what people will do when they are angry / upset)
*She wants to know if this is a power-play thing for me, am I bothered that she is taking control of the situation?
*She wants me to consider her interests in this; she claims that she is considering mine
*States that she doesn’t want to be with me (no kidding)—I told her that that’s been clear for some time, and that I want to be with someone who wants to be with me, and that I won’t keep her or stand in her way. I told her I love her enough to let her go, but she claims that I’m doing so only on her terms
*She’s afraid I will try to take away her parental rights (?)
*She brought up that she feels like I’m hiding something or holding something over her. She also gave me the chance to basically accuse her of something—I did not. She admits that she’s noticed I’ve been different since around Thanksgiving—that for her it’s hard to get a read on me, and she wonders if I’m okay.
I asked for until Wednesday night to give her a counter-offer—I’m talking with L on Tuesday afternoon after school. I asked for Wednesday because I knew I would be talking with her, and want to run the continued legal threats against L.
It’s really rich that she’s threatening me with a court order to evict me but also wants me to help with YS—can you change his diaper before you leave, he won’t go back to sleep at 1:00 a.m., can you walk him around for me?
