JB 42 I feel ya bro. Going through this stuff will reek havoc on your emotions and self esteem. Even though I haven't yet, because of time and $ GAL, Detach, Read, Believe none of what you hear and half if what they say. Dnot let them play the victim. They need to own up to their delusion too. After 5 months of almost having a nervous breakdown, everyone here is very supportive. Made it crystal clear to W last night, she can do whatever the hell she wants and go where she wants, but our child stays in this state. I finally grew a sack today, hopped into the MBR at 4am, and told her when she woke, I'm staying here, you can stay here, or go across to the guest room. I'm not moving into the basement. Don't feel compelled to help her live her life. She will just throw you bullshit breadcrumbs. My W ring came off last week, now it mysteriously disappeared. I just put all her pictures away with my ring. Last week it would have stung emotionally. You will get stronger, just be patient with yourself.
Her ring came off within the first week after BD. I took down all the pictures that had both of us after she started staying at "a friend's place" and packaged all the pictures of her or her with the boys in a box for her to take. I never left the MBR - but we talked about living together for a while there. Things are much better now that we're physically separated. It really gives you the time and space to clarify your intentions and work through your emotions. I'm also transforming the space into what I want it to look like vs what she wanted (I habitually compromised because, at the time, it wasn't a big deal for me).
My suggestion for you is to get a library card and borrow the books you want to read (most libraries have audiobook rentals, too) - also listen to podcasts. I know that reading doesn't help you with your time issue, but it's a good way to get out of the house and to get some self-development in without draining the bank account. I listen to books and podcasts on my commute or when I'm making dinner and it's been life changing.
