While that's a fair point, we'll have to agree to disagree. A CC as defined in NMMNG is what AS and I have stated. While a private timeline for how long you will wait is secret, it's not the same thing. In fact in the case of a timeline you'd actually be more likely to be accused of trying to manipulate her by giving her your dropdead date than keeping it to yourself.
That's why I was advised to not share it by the anti D expert and why I would advise others to not share it either.
Steve, my friend, I wonder if you are still reading this. AnotherStander and I are in agreement. Look again.
If you still don't believe me google Covert Contract. Please. I say this not to be right but I think you want to know.
As for your sitch? Again I wish I hadn't used it as an example because we have spent the last 20 posts debating it. I never meant to rehash the merits of your decision. I didn't. I added caveats and still, I have been misunderstood.
I wish you had taken the time to scan my last thread. I laid out my intended plan. I know reading all these sitchs gets draining. That's why I have chosen to try to go deep with only a few.
Thanks again.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
I´m sorry I´m not chiming in with more frequency RR. It´s summer here and I´m into environmental alerts that I´m responsible at work. You have had a lot of patience in your sitch man. I always ask you for more of that but it´s up to you in the end. It´s ok to get some pieces moving. You deserve to have a full life going RR.
All you've missed is debating semantics and questioning labels.
I'm in a good place and working my plan.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Things are going fine. Although not as fast as I prefer. W that never gets sick has been sick on and off for a month. She finally called the doc and got antibiotics.
So, for the most part, we have been enjoying our platonic existence. Not much room for these touch-charges. No fights. No ultimatums. One thing that has come up is it has turned up that we may very well have to move. More on this, this week. At the beginning of the recession, we sold our home due to expected rezoning for schools. Without a destination, we moved into one of my client's rentals that was in the district. Recession hits and we ride it out in the rental. Come 2013 and the local market improves and I am hit with BD#1. Well, I'm not about to make a purchase with this person, not at that time. Just before BD#2 W says she wasn't sure if she wants to buy the place we are in. Okay, whatever. Anyway, my client and landlord is ready to not be a landlord anymore. He was approached by an agent with a buyer. They are going to tour this week. I have the option to buy it as well. Either way, this is going to force W to make some decisions. I'm amused.
So we spent the weekend doing some cleaning and I grilled and we watched the Super Bowl. Also, we are doing this Keto diet together. Joint projects.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
W and I having a discussion on finances when she brought up the incident where I spent money on things that I felt necessary without discussing with her. She stated that my actions were basically a big F-you to her. I responded that they were not intended that way. She stated that it felt that way. I responded that she was welcome to her own feelings but I wished she would also consider my intent. I also pointed out that she had, in fact, hurt me without intent and that I was able to rationalize the difference. She said she never intended to do such a thing and I'm sure she thought that I must be referring to her past EA. I realized that that idea would escalate dissension so I immediately offer another example. I said, "I was hurt when you planned your vacations with our daughters, without me." This has happened twice in the last several years. Last time about a year ago. W just stopped and I could see the wheels turning. She didn't respond. I stopped talking.
I think this really resonated with her.
Later that evening after dinner we were in the car and she was telling some story about work. I grabbed her upper thigh. We are doing this Keto diet together. I said, "man' I can tell a big difference." I released. W never flinched. She said "really?". and went back to the story.
This is the longest touch-charge I have executed other than a hug or two many weeks ago.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Things have been blissful. Still no sex. She still seems to enjoy spending time with me. It's better than any contentious dynamic but far from optimal.
Today, I'm contemplating saying something about how I don't intend to stay in a sexless relationship. Perhaps ask her if she still feels like it is never going to happen.
Thoughts?
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
I am not an expert on sexless M's but I would suggest a more positive approach. Instead of "Perhaps ask her if she still feels like it is never going to happen" maybe say something like "I've really been enjoying our relationship together recently and feel like restoring intimacy would be a great way to rebuild our bond, what do you think?" Maybe suggest a specialty therapist, I hate to say "sex therapist" because there are some negative connotations there.
