So, last week saw H car on our high street on a lunchtime. This usually means a bank run for him. Decided to wait for him as he hasn't replied to requests for information since November. He saw me and came over to speak through the car window. OW was with him who went to sit in the car. It wasn't particularly pleasant as I called his explanation BS for not providing his last 3 years of accounts (does he think that I haven't sought advice about the situation?) Ended with him telling me to eff off and going back to the car.
20 minutes later got a call from OW to berate me for not having better timing. Oh the irony!! Apparently she was upset having just been to a funeral and so thought that I should have had more consideration. I did get her to acknowledge in the end that I didn't owe her any consideration at all and a conversation with my H was just that ie nothing to do with her.
Amongst other things she told me that my children needed to grow up because people had affairs all the time and that I needed to stop poisoning them against their father. It was suggested that I needed to ensure that they had a R with their father moving forward because he was a 'man' and therefore needed guidance.
So, I have reiterated to my boys that the R they have with their father is their business and that they must not feel that it will hurt me if they do things with him etc etc. They did just laugh at me (kindly) and say 'Mum we're adults and can make our minds up'
However, it struck me last night from things that were said that H and I are being somewhat manipulated by OW. So, I've reached out to him with a simple text saying that we should meet to discuss the way forward before things deteriorate any further. He quickly agreed.
The last time we spoke however, we agreed that this could be done in a civil manner and that he wouldn't avoid coming to the house to sort things out. But he did. So, he may make the same promises and not follow through. That is what is causing me to get increasingly angry and for the boys to dismiss him. They are waiting for an inkling of the decency that they thought that their father had to surface and for him to sort things out properly.
I can't really work out why when a decision has been made to move on following an irretrievable break down of the marriage, he still cannot bring himself to do the 'decent' thing.
Hopefully I can get through to him when we meet on Wednesday. It cannot be right that a 30 year R ends in this manner. The lies and manipulation have altered our R forever but that doesn't mean that we can't have pleasant and civil interactions with one another when necessary.
