Wow!!! Just wow!! Talk about cake eating....MikeyB. I feel you buddy I'm watch the wedding ring and put away the photos get tucked away in the wedding albums be put away. I told my wife yesterday I'm keeping the MBR. She can either stay or go to the guest room. She logically resisted at first and then she went along with it. We threw out our cake toppers from our wedding cake last week. You're doing a great job I know it's hard to stay emotionally Center in the midst of all this. After 5 months of making myself physically and emotionally sick over this. After taking back the NVR I'm getting more emotionally grounded. If there's something that I've had a hard realization over? Especially with my wife being a behavior specialist, is that she's quick to analyze behaviors outside of herself but fails to modify or sustain commitment to changing hers.
It all goes back to the biblical saying from Jesus, How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
Have humility and realize the things that you have done wrong and correct them do not carry the guilt. As far as your wife's Behavior you cannot change her she has to change for herself. do not point this out to her as they will most likely only taken as character assassination or severe criticism. When and if she verbally attacks you, stay as emotionally neutral as possible and stand your ground.
If you are going to do something for her you better get some type of reciprocity out of it. And if you're not, let them handle their business and you handle yours. In almost 10 years of my wife and I have been married, she is now stage setting on being a single mom, and all of a sudden she's doing the dishes for herself. Not consistently but still. I know she's trying to clean up her act but then she goes back to her lethargic self again. Do not help them unless, you really want to do something small and nice out of the kindness of your heart and not having ulterior motives forgetting her back. But don't placate.
here is an odd thought that I had this morning when I woke up. I could be wrong about my perception but it's worth something to thinking about. If you think about the people how many holding marriage vows while they're getting married from like the forties and the fifties, I'm willing to bet that most of them back then didn't get all sappy and sob and cry while they were getting married. because not only did they understand what true commitment is, but they were ruled by their emotions they were ruled by their commitment, they lead their emotions and their hearts. In modern times I'm sure most likely for the women as well they get all sappy during their marriage vows while getting married, because of the Romanticism and they have no control over their emotions. Biblically hormonal e and physically speaking the Bible says that women are the weaker vessel, this is why, us Men, need to remain emotionally neutral around them, empathetic and compassionate but neutral. We have to lead them and we have to lead our own feelings and our own hearts and minds. feelings can be deceived and deceiving as I'm sure you know your feelings probably change by the hour or by the day. me being as emotional as I am it took me a while to get this
