Even said during one of the instances that she can be tenacious about doing good or what is right. Huh? Right on the middle of tearing her family apart??? Shows how the WW has it in their head that what they are doing is not wrong, somehow someway. I don't think it is a lie to them. They have convinced themselves it is the right thing to do. I think if you gave them a lie detector and asked if divorcing their husband was right their answer yes and it would be truthful.
Steve, I don't want to hijack Robert's thread, and I usually agree with the posts you write, but I feel we may need to clarify something, for the sake of this newcomer and others.
There are men & women who truly lose themselves in a fantasy.... and due to mental illness, they can become obsessed with whomever is the object of their desire, and they lose touch with reality. Look at the people who have stalked and killed (or attempted) celebrities......b/c they went off the deep end. The media would interview doctors who then would try to explain to a shocked public how this happens. Doctors stated that due to the mental illness, the stalker began to believe the fantasy. When they were ignored/rejected by the celebrity, that's when things would take a tragic turn.
I knew a lady IRL whose H had been deceased for many years. She never M again, and as far as anyone knew, she was a good Christian who lived a respectful, simple life. Simple.....and very lonely. Long story short, this lady believed that a certain TV character was going to M her. My own mother tried to "talk sense" into her, but the lady had clearly crossed over into the Twilight Zone....never to return. Turns out that she had a history of mental illness.
My point is that these are examples where mental illness was the reason they could not distinguish the fantasy from reality. Waywardness is not a mental illness. Mental illness is not a choice. Waywardness is a choice, just as love and happiness are choices. If you examine every wayward case, you will find resentment, lack of respect, and rebellion. Therefore the WW is aware she is doing is wrong. She knows she is lying, cheating, etc. That's why she feels she must justify her actions. Does she lie to herself? You might say she chooses to lie to herself b/c she wants to believe the fantasy she's created so much that she tries to convince herself it's true. It's sort of like trying to hide things from yourself. You really know. She may talk the talk and play the part, and seek self justification.......but down deep, she knows she is wrong, if she has been raised to have any moral conviction. We are seeing more & more people who do not seem to be bothered by a moral conscious these days. They decide they don't want to be M one day and think taking off their wedding band is as good as divorce papers.
I understand a man might find some degree of comfort if his WW honestly didn't know she was doing anything wrong. But again, I believe WW's do know when they lie. Yes, there is usually a fantasy they've created in their head, and yes, they want to believe it.......but they know when they lie and when they are cheating and betraying the LBH. That's why they seek justification for their actions.
I saw my former DIL send out things on FB (you know stuff that gets passed from one to the next). She would post these pretty little songs or poem about the joy of trusting the one you love, yada, yada. Of course, she was referring to her and her new lover, until someone reminded her how it was too bad the same couldn't said about her.
Steve, I think your W was posting the characteristics she wanted people to see in her profile. It just happens to be the description of the lady she had been before she chose to take a wayward path. I joined one dating site for a very short period. Actually, it appeared to be a site for a bunch of cheaters. Some were just more obvious about their intentions, than others. I wouldn't post my picture, and I was so vague in my profile I'm surprised I had any responses at all. Since my experience in dating sites is limited (thank God) IDK if they are all like the one I was on......or if there are more "respectful" ones. Her profile sounds like something a lady would post on a Christian dating site.
Sometimes I get frustrated when we've been trying to help some newcomer who has a WW, and he doesn't like what he's hearing, so he jumps over into the MLC forum.........as if that's going to be easier. One LBH told me that he had a harder time accepting that his W would be wayward than if she was having a MLC. I see his point, and especially when there is such a drastic change in the woman you knew and the wayward W who was tearing up your family.
Oh goodness, here I've gone and written another book. Anyway, I hope you know I am not trying to pick on one short .post just to cause grief. From time to time, other LBH's have made similar comments about their WW, so I felt impressed to respond. I just didn't mean to respond with so many words. If I totally misunderstood you, I apologize.
((hugs))
I am still yet to figure out if my w is ww or mlc. I think its difficult to figure out exactly which one it is. Thats crazy to think someone could have a fantasy about a character on tv but i remember that happening with those books years ago. Women were leaving their marriages because they read 50 shades of grey and were comparing him to their Husbands...