Been a while since I posted. Things had been quite calm over Christmas itself but I could feel the tensions rising. On Jan 2nd he sends me a WhatsApp message to say he’s not well and is going to spend the night at his mum’s. But this time getting help (ex military and likely PTSD). He is still at his mum’s (no conversation about what his plans are). I am doing OK and the kids are good too. My eldest said it is better without dad here....this is sad but he has been really hard to live with.
A few days later my granny died aged 99! My daughter got Bell’s Palsy (facial paralysis) and son struggling at school (in process of diagnosis of ASD). He has been arriving at the house when he feels like it (normally when we are eating). He hasn’t really bothered much with the children (last weekend we didn’t hear from him Friday until Sunday late afternoon. Often he says that nobody cares about him. I am trying to keep upbeat but last week I did end up emailing him suggesting that he makes plans with the kids (he spent yesterday round here playing board games with the younges, and has made plans with them tomorrowt - so maybe that has worked?).
It was my Granny’s funeral this week and he insisted on coming (a 2 hour drive). He tried to take over so I lay down what I wanted - I drive, up to me how long we stay etc.... but he was welcome to drive separately if he wanted to. He came with me and was respectful. I think me being clear really helped.
My tumble dryer has broken and he was straight round to try and fix it. He came round a few weeks ago to work on sanding our staircase. He phoned me at work as the weather was bad offering me a lift home. He has sent me an apologetic message:
‘ I know how much you have given of yourself to supporting me. You don't deserve any of the s@&£ that I have made you feel. I am broken because of letting you and the children down. The kids keep me going because despite the negative world I seem to inhabit they are all a massive positive. All of them give me different reasons to feel proud of them.I know that the process of trying to get better is a long one. All I can say is sorry for everything.’
I didn’t reply to it. I am trying to get on with life and am exercising more, doing stuff with kids, booked a couple of weekends away, catching up with friends. But it is hard and exhausting dealing with 5 kids amd working full time. But he is seeking help so whatever happens the children will have a better father....hopefully.
Last edited by Helhel; 02/03/1912:14 AM.
M: 17 T:17 Me:42 H:48 BD 23/12/2017 H says ‘I don’t want to be married’ D 17 D 15, D 13, S 10, S 10
