LBS dealing with WW (part 7) (piecing?)

[Joe2017]

Everything seems to be going steady on the old Joe2017 front. No big arguments, no big blow ups, no shameful discoveries. But I just feel soooooooo... BLEH all the time! It's hard to understand. I expected to be feeling more positive emotions............ ugh. I GAL'd like crazy last year and rediscovered myself. I really wonder if she and I have enough in common anymore to compatible enough for an LTR. It's a really weird... WAS-like feeling I suppose? Is this what a WAS feels like?

Adam:
Thank you for the support. I am trying to take things slowly, but sometimes I want to go faster. Sometimes I want this R and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I want to quit, and sometimes I want to go all in. It's made me kind of depressed lately, and I think it might not be worth it some days.

Jim:
Yeah, they will support me. But they are also very very very defensive of me. I have great friends, and I really do feel like they have my best interests at heart. My I saw my xGF at a get-together and she told me that she thinks it's a bad idea. She's not trying to date me again and has no ulterior motives, she just does not want me to get hurt because she cares about me. I value their opinions to a high degree.

Sandi:
Thank you so much for your extremely thoughtful response. I hadn't read the story of your S before, and that is one of the worst things I've read in a while. His WW seems to be the worst of the worst, and I'm so glad he's out of that situation. I know you have been through a lot on your path, and maybe you can help me with one question...

Sandi, how did you know that you truly loved your H after your EA?

I don't mean this to sound harsh, but I don't believe that people who fully love their spouses willfully cheat on them to the degree that my XW did. So, my question is not so simple... but it is important. Fully loving someone is a choice. She says she chooses to fully love me, NOW. I find it so hard to believe that she is in love with me again, after treating me so badly in the past.

I am struggling with my XW's love for me. She says she loves me fully, with such conviction. She tells me that she is sure that I am the one for her. She tells me that she knows what real love is now that she has wasted a year of her life chasing a feeling that lasted a short time. I am having a very hard time believing her. She says it so easily, like she used to when times were good. And to her, she is really happy having me back! But I am not there in that happy place! I am struggling every day, and she is content with me and our situation the way it is now because she has me back in her life. She tells me that she is happy because she feels like she's getting back the life she threw away.

I don't know if she really is in love with me, or she is just trying to get her old life back. Because I hate to tell her, that life is GONE and it's not coming back. She made sure that she destroyed it.

This crap is harder than I thought it would be. Lol.