Something there is that doesn't love a wall, That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it, And spills the upper boulders in the sun; And makes gaps even two can pass abreast. The work of hunters is another thing: I have come after them and made repair Where they have left not one stone on a stone, But they would have the rabbit out of hiding, To please the yelping dogs. The gaps I mean, No one has seen them made or heard them made, But at spring mending-time we find them there. I let my neighbour know beyond the hill; And on a day we meet to walk the line And set the wall between us once again. We keep the wall between us as we go. To each the boulders that have fallen to each. And some are loaves and some so nearly balls We have to use a spell to make them balance: "Stay where you are until our backs are turned!" We wear our fingers rough with handling them. Oh, just another kind of out-door game, One on a side. It comes to little more: There where it is we do not need the wall: He is all pine and I am apple orchard. My apple trees will never get across And eat the cones under his pines, I tell him. He only says, "Good fences make good neighbours." Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder If I could put a notion in his head: "Why do they make good neighbours? Isn't it Where there are cows? But here there are no cows. Before I built a wall I'd ask to know What I was walling in or walling out, And to whom I was like to give offence. Something there is that doesn't love a wall, That wants it down." I could say "Elves" to him, But it's not elves exactly, and I'd rather He said it for himself. I see him there Bringing a stone grasped firmly by the top In each hand, like an old-stone savage armed. He moves in darkness as it seems to me, Not of woods only and the shade of trees. He will not go behind his father's saying, And he likes having thought of it so well He says again, "Good fences make good neighbours." _______________________________
This poem has come to my mind quite a bit lately. I guess I'm at a stage where I need to consider my walls and whether they help or hurt me, whether they wall me in or wall me out.
I wanted to cheekily call this thread "After His Divorce" but also didn't want to make light of something that is so painful for so many. The divorce is over, but OD and I are still married. As expected, he did not show to work out everything between us. He did not contact son about his first planned visitation (my guess is, like the book he told D to read, he felt I would be hounding him to sign those papers). So I remembered that he often does these things from fear rather than a desire to tell me I'm insignificant (still have work to do on that self-esteem obviously). So I reached out to him, asked him if he was picking up son, and said the latest he could come, but that I would be here earlier, making it clear that if he wanted to come before to discuss something with me he could. He came at the the last minute to pick up son's new vehicle and drive it to pick him up so they could practice driving.
I had asked him when I saw him in his town almost two weeks before whether that was how he dressed for work. As a reminder, he told me he was working and could not leave said town for our talk. He was dressed very shabbily and looked quite awful. He still had the MLC beard he has been sporting for the last two years. I thought the beard looked neater though and commented to someone that I would believe he was waking up when the beard went bye bye (in the 25 years we spent together he never had facial hair of any kind for even one day, and he knows that I hate facial hair).
I answer the door and notice right away that he is wearing new clothes (and I know he was off work). They were of the type we would have picked out together for him to wear. Not teenage or bizarre. It took me a moment and then I saw it--the beard was gone. I could not believe my eyes. Once again he looked me in the eye, in a friendly manner, asked to use the bathroom and breezed by right next to me (not the 5 ft perimeter he maintained at all times before leaving). When he came out, we looked at the vehicle (he saw a small dent and made a face). I laughed and said son is going to do worse than that, and walked inside.
In the evening he and son came back to the house. He has not come in when visiting either of the kids since May/June of 2017. He actually parked his car in my driveway. If you recall, he has not done this in years, except for a time he was circling home between OW1 and OW2. He and son stayed upstairs in the house for about 2 hours. I was in my bedroom watching TV. Son has no idea what is going on and asked me to make myself scarce so as not to scare him off. I didn't want to see him again anyway, so I was fine with it.
The following day, as a test, I sent him a picture of our D (he never responds to this sort of thing, ever). He responded right away and said something nice and used several exclamation points.
It is pretty clear to me what is going on. So I'm thinking about walls. Where they belong. Whether they keep others out or me in. I won't waste my time thinking up answers to questions that have not been asked. But I wanted to document these developments for those at the beginning, or those who are questioning their faith in what we have been told about this process and the stages that are often seen.
