Feeling Ugly

[MJontheMend]

The best thing about finding this message board is that it helps me feel less "crazy" about my situation.

The issue that is making me "nuts" now has to do with my self-image. The only suggestion my LDH has made regarding what I can do to improve our sex life is that I could lose some weight and buy some new clothes.

So, I've done some shopping and I've already lost half the weight I feel I need to but I'm wondering where this is going to lead. If I make a reasonable effort, will that be good enough?

Also, I've started to get this weird feeling that maybe I don't know what I really look like. Am I like one of those guys who goes around with a really bad toupee and thinks he looks just swell? How can I get an objective opinion on this subject? If I ask my sister or a friend she might be biased and lie to be nice. If I just go by what my LDH says, I might become an anorexic, plastic surgery addict. If I flirt with the guy in line at the post office, how do I know if his reaction isn't due to being gay, in love, super-friendly, HD and miserable etc.?

I almost wish I were back in high school and could walk through the hall full of jerks who would yell out "6.5" or "9".

My husband is away on business this week, so I bought a new nightgown yesterday for when he returns. But, I felt kind of "schizo" when I tried it on again this morning. One second I would think it looked good and the next second I was regretting having read Dave's post about gravity's effect on breasts and the next second I was thinking the amount of droop was acceptable given their size and my husband hates fake breasts anyways and then I was obsessing about where the hemline hit my thighs. You get the drift.

My natural HD tendency is to be optimistic about my appearance and appeal, but my current situation is driving me in the other direction. I sometimes truly feel that leaving this marriage would be a good thing for my mental health.

Any suggestions for how I might become more "centered"on this issue?