Just keep swimming, I think I can, I think I can #

[marina7]

Journaling,

I thinking am finding me again
I started cooking in the house and
Selling plates.

And let me tell you I have so great
Friends, they have said hope one day
You consider opening a restaurant.

Where I live am the only place that sells
My nationality food. To eat the food I make you have to
Drive to the city it takes like an hr.

Trio's are adjusting. D10 is having a harder time.
The boys tells me d10 and W argue alot.
S10 words like sisters and he chuckles

I did ask d10 how is she. D10 broke down and cried
I just listen.
Lots of W is horrible, W mocks me and it bothers me.
I listen and confirm and said I know how you feel and gave
D10 some advice. Example was to go to her room and listen to music
D10 I don't have a radio, I said ok take the one here. D10 just hug me.
And cried. I whispered is going be ok and remember 3 three stick together.

I do see a unity again in trio's. S10 does stick up for hos sibilings and has gotten
Punish, but he also says W is wrong and when something is wrong is wrong.

I have taught the trio's since babies that, To get respect you must give respect
And know matter how nasty someone is they never step down to their level to
Always stay strong. And they only can control their emotions.

As the trio's say is hard but they remember my words

So yesterday I had a little scary experience. I pick Trios up from
School as weekends I see them and every other day on the week.

The positive thing is the trio's are together and that's what Matters.

Well while driving I hear a Pop and then I lost control of wheel in truck

Thank God I think fast I put emergency breaks and hit car in park while
Telling Trios to hold on as I knew it was going be an impact.

My axle of front car broke off.

I have a older truck and we had a vortex winter here. Where everything was
Closed. It was bad. Literally of you didn't cover up you would get frostbite
I think with being a older truck and the weather it basically broke

Trio's where shaken up.
I made sure they where ok.

While getting us out the road in Walmart parking lot.
W pulls up, I guess W shops there and see truck
W ask everything ok
M yes
W what happened
M axle broke off
W could see truck and was in all
W how are kids
M good
W do you want me to take kids till you get help
M, I open door ask Trios if they like to go with W,
All 3 Nope. We are ok with you.

I look over and said they want to stay they are safe and warm in truck
W ok bye

I stood there in reality wanted to cry but I knew Trios where looking at me
And I know I must stay strong for them.

I called a friend who has AAA and ask can they help me get truck tolled
Then I called neighbor if they can pick me up. Neighbor said yes to give
her 30 min. So Trios and I watch YouTube and laugh.

S10 grabs my hand and says mom what's going to happen now
I said well toll coming and neighbor picking us up.
S10 says well our truck. We don't have a car.

I replied Trios don't worry I'll figure it out that's my job.

While waiting W called
W are you ok
M yes
W how did that happened
M I explained what I think caused it
W yeah that makes sense
W are you sure I can take trio's till you
Figure it out.
M Trios want to stay with me. They are warm and safe
W ok

15min later
W so I live 5min away are you ok
M Trios are ok I got them snacks
W ok am 5 min away if you need me
M thank you

20min laters
W I see your still out there
M yes neighbor on her way.
W ok silent
M ok bye

25min later
W hey
M wuz up
W are you ok
M yes neighbor is here we good.

W, M I don't understand why we going through this
I will forever love you. You are the mother of our kids
Am here. M why are you so stubborn why didn't you ask me to help
You. That's what always has caused problems between us. Your so
Prideful. M just ask that you need me you need help and I'll be there
Why can't you just ask.

M yelp. Got it.

W please call me when you get home please M
M yes will do

I just listen to W, I wanted to say so much but I didn't.
Wow. It seems like W wants me to beg for help. And maybe is
My pride who knows. But W seen what's happening why say
Ask me for help.

It's just mind blowing but it gets better.
I did call W back to say, Trios are safe
But W didn't pick up
Like 15 min later W calls
W Hi I see I have a miss call from you.
M yes Trios are safe.
W ok why you telling me this.

Yelp that's when I knew OW was there.

My question maybe someone can help me.
Is why Mlcers act differently when around OP
Is like two different people.

I simply hung up after W acted like I was calling her to
Bother her. I was in all.

I again have been going grey rock the last couple of weeks
Only one word when pertains to our kids

Yesterday was the most conversation in more than
2 or 3 months.

I can see it was working me going grey rock.
It was helping me, for myself.

So here I am trying to figure out what's next on
A vehicle.