New thread- Newcomer pre-bomb drop

[Bern19]

Thanks Adam, I started to catch up on your sitch, I’m only halfway through but it sure sounds familiar. It’s crazy to me how much alike most of our situations are.

I appreciate the thoughts. I’m struggling with the approach when the wife is pretending to work on the marriage. I never really got a bomb drop, I discovered her affair after suspecting it for years. She’s given me the ILYBINILWY, but shortly after made a big production about how she “chooses us” and off to counseling we went. But I never sensed that she was remorseful or even that concerned with how hurt I was. Of course this is all easy to see now that it’s clear she’s still in contact with him. But if you ask her she’ll tell you we are working on the marriage.

I just can’t keep going like this. It’s been 4 months since Dday and I see all this progress I’ve made on myself, yet I don’t see anything promising from her. I’m to the point where I know what I have to do, but like Sandi told you, there is always something else coming up that be can use as an excuse to delay it, but we just have to have faith and do what we’ve come to understand as the best way forward. At least that’s where I see myself now.

Tomorrow I go to see the IC and then the plan is to put the ww on notice. I’m not willing to go on this way. I can’t continue to pretend that we are a big happy family... going out with friends, out to eat as a family, sit together in church on Sunday, etc. I will not be moving out of my home, but I’d prefer not to share my home with her while the OM is still in the picture. I can’t make her leave, but I can stop the charade. Once we get back from our vacation, we’ll revisit the living arrangements. Perhaps once her secret is out, she will be emboldened to move out and experience the freedom she seems to long for. I’ve made my peace with that, well as much as I think I possibly can.