Quotes found on Divorcebusting (7)

[Ready2Change]

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Folks that have been through this, what are the specific things you changed about yourself?

I reversed on a lot of bad behavior. Here they were:

- Overly critical of her housekeeping
- Very short-tempered, when she tried to get my attention I would let it be known she was interrupting me
- Very impatient with her, my D, stranger in the car in front of me, etc.
- Very withdrawn in my own world, watched TV a lot by myself in MBR (W and D were in livingroom)
- Came to dinner, prayed for thanksgiving, ate as fast as I could, went right back into MBR
0r - Came to dinner, prayed for thanksgiving, took food into MBR and ate by myself
- Nicer to strangers and acquaintances than to her
- Made cutting jokes about her around friends and family
- Criticized everything she did. How she drove, how much toothpaste she put on her toothbrush, etc.
- Left all household duties to her (taking care of dogs, laundry, picking up the counter, etc) (I did some things but never helped her with some of the things.)
- Scrutinized every penny she spent

I am sure the list is longer. That list is shameful. I am surprised I was able to get her to stay eventually. But I 180'd on it all. I got into C to cement these changes. I read voraciously about marriage saving, and self-improvement.

It is a year on and I have not engaged in any of these behavior since BD. IN fact, I have done just the opposite of those:

- No longer criticize her housekeeping, and express gratitude to her when she does things around the house
- I happily, and upbeatedly give her my full attention whenever she gets my attention
- I am patient with her and D. And I have been much more patient in general.
- I do not isolate myself. I spend a lot of time with W watching shows she likes. Conversing with her. Laughing and joking with her! (Do not underestimate that last part!! She has commented how much more fun I am to be with due to the laughing and cutting up.)
- I eat dinner with them by sitting at table, conversing, sharing how my day was, asking about theirs. being fully engaged with them. I eat slower. I sit and talk even after I am finished. I help clean up the table.
- I am sweet and nice to her. I adore her and realize she is the most important person in my life! I treat her like the queen I always should have. I love doing things for her and jump the minute she asks for a favor or help.
- I brag about her to others, both when she isn't around and when she is. I never say anything derogatory even jokingly to her or about her. I compliment her both publicly and privately.
- I never criticize her. I realize now that I am not always right and everyone (especially her) else is not always wrong if they do things differently. I realize that she is more important than getting to a place in the optimal path, or that we go through a tube of toothpaste in a week. She is my queen, and I treat her as such!
- I help with household duties. I clean up after meals, help take care of the dogs and cat, I try to do as much as she does, and do it happily and without grudge! (ANOTHER 180!!)
- I let her use her own judgement on spending. I no longer nitpick every penny she spends. I even limit my own spending so that she can spend more.

Marriage is about sacrifice! And once you realize how appreciated these things are it no longer feels likes sacrifice! I do these things now because I love her and I WANT to do them!