Day 187,

My responses since my last post first:

Originally Posted by sandi2

The mistake LBH's make is thinking they can become a wayward W's buddy and thereby slowly working their relationship around to being more than friends. Some guys think they will wait around being the wayward W's pal and when OM plans fall through......then good ole hubby will be standing with his arms wide open for the return of his W. He hasn't changed her mind or caused her to fall for him, rather than OM. It is Plan B, at its finest.


I feel like I am still doing this, even though I have told my WW that I will not be her friend. When I softened up, I did not fall back to my old habits trying to appease her every request. I am still unavailable to her when I am busy, regardless of whether I am truly busy or not.

I’m kicking myself for telling her my desire for no D and trying to wrap my head on how I can start gaining my self-respect back.

Originally Posted by sandi2

I want to make something clear if I can. There is a difference in being friend-ly, and being BFF's.


That is what I am trying to achieve.


Originally Posted by sandi2

The LBH and the WW view their "friendship" differently. He sees it as a vehicle to progress their relationship into more than just friends. Did you notice where I said she wants the LBH to be her BFF? Trust me, it is the selfish thinking of a WW, and she will manipulate it for all it's worth. It won't take long for the H to realize it is a one-sided "friendship" and she is simply using him.


I keep saying that I see that, but I am still working on believing it and adjusting my behaviors based on what I get told here. There is a lot of conflicting advice that I have been reading about whether or not to be her friend. More often than not, the answer is "no". And that is the stance I told my WW I am taking.

Originally Posted by sandi2

Why did the uncle's WW react the way she did when uncle found a new GF? The WW does not want her position of control with the LBH to be replaced or threatened by another woman who will influence (maybe manipulate) him more than she can. As long as WW and uncle are legally M, then uncle and GF won't M, and WW still has leverage on the control strings. IDK why uncle hasn't M the GF, but my guess is that he is benefiting, too. Maybe everyone is benefiting from the setup, IDK. But I have learned everything is not always as it appears on the surface......especially when you have two women with a man in the middle.

If the uncle's WW is good friends with your W, then it is very possible she thinks this could work with Phoenix, her, and OM. (Guess you are wondering why I didn't say this at first, and leave off the rest).


Both the uncle and his WW are in separate (and seemingly happy) relationships. WW has since been dating someone who is a lot like the uncle. All of them demonstrate that they get alone very well. What is the truth, I really don't know. I have learned that it is fruitless to comprehend the WW's dynamic, regardless of who it is. And in my case, it's hard to comprehend the LBS as well. It's the reason why I post here so often is because even I don't even know what is going on. My emotions are locked in this intense battle with my logic. My logic is slowly chipping away at my emotional mindset, but it is still formidable and is still making my sitch all the more difficult. Maybe maybe keeping my mouth shut will still salvage this. That and giving the "you are free to pursue D, I will not stop you" answer.

My WW and uncle's WW still talk. I am not sure how often. And I would not be the least bit surprised if my WW has that mindset. I really hope that I told her that I don't want that kind of dynamic. Kind of hard to enforce now since I also told WW that I don't want a D.



Originally Posted by sandi2
I said something along the same lines that other WW's say about how they hope they can always remain friends. My H just slowly shook his head, look dead in my eyes, and told me we would never be friends if I left him. Now, gentlemen.....as you may imagine, it takes a lot to shock me speechless, but that did it.


I'm sure that she cried about it later, but I saw no reaction from her. She is still doing WW things. Of course at this point in my life, I am not surprised. I actually expect it.

Originally Posted by Adam04

I also hear what Sandi is saying about how she felt H was a nice guy so probably didn't believe he would not be her BFF, so in some ways the current actions have to make her feel like you're serious in what you're saying.


My actions have spoke volumes. I just need to continue and build on this.

I have GAL (Social!) plans tonight. I have my fancy clothes in my car so I will be changing before I leave work and head out to the city for some fun. Unsure of plans this weekend. I will have D4 in tow and money is tight so I will have to get creative.

Last edited by Phoenix9; 02/01/19 08:01 PM.

1/6/18-BD OM1
2/18-W meets OM2
4/18-W intros D4 to OM2
5/18-“Romance ends"
7/18-DB start
7/18-IHS Ends
4/19-WW moves out
3/21-D filed

Formerly pain18

Rise.