I guess I do have a direct question - should I be meeting with some D ATTY at this point to get ahead?
Yes, knowledge is power.
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She has mentioned she 'does not want me money and just wants to have a friendly D and what is best for the kids..."
Yes my ex told me much the same. Then we negotiated a very fair (to both of us) settlement and she had it drawn up. Then in the 11th hour when it was ready for her signature she decided I owed her much, much more. Don't believe anything until her signature is on the paper and it's in your hands. A WAS can turn on a dime, whether that means deciding they want to recon or deciding they want to screw you over. Be ready for anything.
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.... I have enough to buy her out of the worth of this house and also able to pay for the current mortgage on my own (do it already) but I am not looking forward to refi since right now I have a great rate. What are my options here?
You don't have options, a refi is the only way to get her name off of it.