R678, I have no wise words to share. Only empathy to offer over a somewhat similar situation.
When my W initiated a bomb drop and walked away from the M a year ago, she was filled with anger, resentment, and blame. Since then, she has claimed more responsibility and insists that she needs to leave the M to become more of her authentic self.
Like yourself, I am choosing to remain committed. Like you, I have no guarantees of a desired outcome.
It is not easy, as you know. And I have to constantly demand complete honesty of myself: do I remain here out of love? Or am I here because of fear or obligation? I find I can only truthfully answer the former when I prayerfully dig deep into my core essence.
Wishing you strength and as much peace as you can muster, my friend.
