Not totally convinced there's a OM from your initial statements, but I would guess she's looking. How soon after her shift change did you get the ILYBNILWY speech? Could it be an EA at work. Sounds like she's very interested in talking about her job with you in the mornings.
It is also very clear to me that she's harboring a great deal of resentment towards you in regards to finances and other things. The wedding rings hanging in your bathroom seems like a deliberate attempt to rub the fact that she is done in your face and I'm going to guess that there have been other things like commenting about how she has no money, etc.
Friend w/kids is clearly an issue. If they talk a lot and are close, and this friend has lived with you guys/is over all the time, there's a good chance she's made remarks about you towards your WAW. in fact, I'd put money down that the friend is the driving force behind a lot of the resentment.
HERE'S THE IMPORTANT PART FOR YOU TO REMEMBER:
EVERYTHING I JUST STATED ABOVE ARE THINGS THAT YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL OVER!!!!!
YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU AND CAN ONLY CONTOL YOUR OWN ACTIONS!!!
Divorce busting and living a quality life in the general sense comes back to the statement above. Take the focus off of her and put it back on you to become the person you want to be.
I really like most of what you're saying. You're not letting her walk you like a lot of guys I see coming in here fresh, so keep that up.
I love that your reaction to her calling you "cranky" was to laugh. That was absolutely a baiting tactic and you handled it very well.
The hardest part about being in this spot is the detaching part. the sooner you can develop an IDGAF attitude toward her and her life, the better off you will be regardless of outcome.
Things to remember:
-She essentially fired you as a partner. Would you want to try and please a boss that canned you, or would you want little/nothing to do with them?
-Regardless of if it's her friend, an OM, etc. The fact is that you can't control any of what she says about you, or what others say about you.
-GAL is huge. I know it's tough working early shifts, but you need to find balance in your life outside of your house.
A perfect time for this would be to walk out when friend and kids come over like they did. You called both of them out essentially telling them to "wrap it up" so you could have some P&Q. The better option in the future-and this WILL happen again- is to just tell them you're "going out" and leave it at that.
-Less words are better for establishing an aloofness and getting her to take an interest in what you might be up to.
-Again, she fired you and therefore you don't have any responsibilities towards her at this point. Truth be told, this is how she sees things right now.
Not trying to sound misogynistic, but women in these situations want to "cake eat," meaning that they want all the benefits you provide as a H, but they want to be able to do whatever they feel like as well. Don't let her try to put you in a corner while she gets to do whatever she wants.
-Keep us in the loop and don't tell her about this board. clear your history and don't leave material laying around.
-Don't mention working on yourself to her, just do it, and do it for you or it won't pass the smell test.
I get the depression thing and I bet a lot of us do. This is your wake up call! This event is a catalyst for real, meaningful change in your life and if you use it as such, there will be a time when you can look back on all of this and say "yeah, it was the lowest point i've ever been, but I climbed my way out and up and I'm a better man and in a better place for it."
Note- saving your marriage shouldn't be the priority here because you can't control that.
So on that note, use this time to become the man you've always wanted to be. You don't have to worry about her right now, so tell us:
-What are some things you've always wanted to do, or used to do that you'd like to become/pick up again?
