TJT Becoming a "MFS"

[TJT]

Thanks for the reminders everyone. I’m being careful for sure, I’m just recognizing the impact on things like my general confidence that this is good for. I do also have a much better idea of what kind of “wooing” to look for because of my H and how he was when we first met (very much all in, just like he is moving in with OW and starting a new life ASAP).

I also want to say that while I’m expressing my excitement here I’m obviously not being all naive with this guy. I get the impression we both want to take things at a normal pace and not just jump into something, but we do seem to enjoy each other’s company and have had some good conversations with actual substance.

And yes I am still married legally speaking. The D has been moving forward in small steps but moving nonetheless and before this guy even came into play I have been getting very fatigued by the thought of continuing to try to work things out with my H. When I say I’m doing good GALing I don’t mean just because I’ve had a few dates, but more all the stuff that I’ve been doing that has prompted me to feel okay with even putting myself out there. I started to really detest feeling so bound to my H’s behavior and how that was making me feel all the time. Going out and hanging out with friends and traveling recently really helped me to simply realize that I have space for better things, whereas before I couldn’t even fathom it.

In case it’s a question I have been very honest about my sitch with anyone I talk to so they know what’s going on. AND I want to say that I feel all the work I’ve done the past 8 months or so to process my feelings and try to DB to save the marriage has definitely served me well in terms of feeling like I’ve tried. But again, even before trying this dating thing I was questioning whether I could continue that for what seems like could take years. No matter what happens with the new friend in my life I don’t think that’s going to change. I’m getting to a limit with it all.

Anyway, I am planning at this point to keep pushing the D along myself. After more interactions with my H about our taxes it’s the same old stuff where I’m having to do everything and he’s avoiding responsibility. This is a big year for our taxes due to the house situation and he’s not even able to put in the effort to spend time on it collaboratively. I don’t want this stuff hanging over my head for any longer than needed at this point because I just feel like it’s keeping me in a bad place mentally, and I am getting more and more disgusted by the day when I think about what he’s done, but lately it’s been a very objective feeling vs something I’m obsessing over and trying to “figure out”. I don’t know if that’s detachment but I like to think it is and that I’ve accomplished something there.