I do want to add something here. And please! do not get false hope but- after i got the phone DB counseling, I was told to be sweet to him. No pressure. The coffee and friend thing. Which, at the time made zero sense! but! He said so many times that during that time he was so close to wanting to reconcile, but didn't. but he very much appreciated the no pressure. He said he enjoyed those meetings! boy was i surprised. things happened: OW did some needy stuff, like quit job for him and eventually he felt trapped into committing to her and having her come live with him (Mr nice guy). But I think for some, taking pressure off, giving space can work. Either way, my divorce was not ugly. It crushed me but it was not the worst. I made it "his divorce" and did it that way. Point being: now, I feel okay about my choices. I didn't get my M back, but I didn't ruin my life either. XH kind of did.
