Sounds like a tough couple of days. For what it's worth, I think you handled it well.
I have to say your W sounds like she is trying to act honourably. It is strange, I can't remember what it was like initially for the two of you, but my H was a complete so and so. I remember the cold anger in his eyes. To him I was barely human. It changed once he MO, it was like he was trying to do the right thing by me now that he had left. I think your W is the same. They won't admit what they did/are doing is hurting us, so they do the next best thing which is try and be nice. You are handing it better than I though. I don't mean his kindness gives me hope - I know better than to have expectations. But it does remind me of the love we once had for one another.
I remember you saying communication is a problem the two of you. Your W is not a "words" person and, just from the length and quality of your posts, well, you are. You called it "too many words" in her eyes. In my experience one of the reasons people go silent is because they feel like they are not being heard. Read your entry above. There is communication. Good, honest communication. Maybe not proclamations of love, but good communication between two people who care about one another. This is because of a change in you. Your validation (in my opinion) is spot to. It is Ok to tell her her actions make you angry. There was no pursuit in that statement. There was no expectation that she would change her mind. Just a calm statement of fact ... "I respect how you feel but it makes me angry". The only thing I perhaps would change is turning that "but" into an "and" ... a small change maybe, but I think truer.
You respect how she feels and you are angry about it. Both these statements are valid.
I like your stance on the child maintenance too. Your reasons are honourable and your children will respect you more for it when they are older. I think your W will too. I think she probably respects you for it now. It does sound like you are in a good place with her - irrespective of how this turns out, your W will respect you more than when this started. Respect is a good foundation for a relationship - whether that be a co-parenting one, or MR 2.0.
RE the temp checks - I think the position here is to not engage until they articulate and show (over time) a real commitment to the R.
Your doing great Adam.
I'm sorry about the diet. Not sure if you've engaged a personal trainer, but they normally recommend a diet to go along with your routine, body type and life style. If you haven't got one, then look up a google a guy called Joe Wicks who has published books on cooking and exercising for people trying to lose weight and gain lean muscle. The recipes are single serving so perfect and not too difficult and the exercises are 15 mins daily. My H follows it. I do the recipes, but as am more into Yoga haven't tried the exercises.
