It's been a little bit since I've posted. I'm finally over the flu and getting back to normal.
Not a whole lot to report on the MR front. W and I haven't been talking much except about the boys. It's gradually getting easier and easier. I used to get so worked up during our trade off of the boys, now I don't have any issues with that. The desire to try to reach out to her during the day is slowly fading.
I have the boys this weekend so I'm trying to figure something fun for us to do on Saturday. On Sunday me, W and the boys will be going to my mom's for a super bowl party. It will be the first time we have hung out together in about a month. W's parents will also be coming over as they get along very well with my Mom and stepdad. I'm going in with no expectations just hoping to have an enjoyable day with my family.
One huge positive that has come out of this is that I feel like I've become super Dad. One big issue in my MR was my interactions with the boys. I used to do a lot of yelling when they got me worked up but over the last couple months I've been taking time before I react to their behaviors. Since I started that, I've noticed their behavior has gotten better and we have a lot more fun together. I've made dealing with my anger my number one priority right now. I was talking to my IC about this and how it would affect relationship with my boys. I don't want them to grow up thinking their father is always mad at them. So I think right now I've found the silver lining.
Slowly but surely this is getting easier. I still want to save my marriage, but at this point I've stopped trying to save my marriage and am working on me and my relationship with my boys. I'm going to turn myself into a man only a fool would leave.
