Lost... DBing would say you never bring it up and just wait for him to do it and then listen and validate as much as you can. Is this move to where your family is a permanent move? What are you hoping for if anything? Or have you given up hope?
Ok I will wait for him to bring it up, if he ever does again. So far he hasn't mentioned the divorce since the first time he brought it up 3 weeks ago. I think he's even afraid to say the word divorce because all he said was "we should go our separate ways".
Originally Posted by svdad
No kids right? Just chiming in saying to keep it up and stay strong. Listen to the wisdom coming from these guys/gals on this forum.
No, we don't have any kids. Just a dog that I'm going to miss dearly, maybe more than my husband (haha) since he is adamant that the dog stays with him.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Lost... DBing would say you never bring it up and just wait for him to do it and then listen and validate as much as you can. Is this move to where your family is a permanent move? What are you hoping for if anything? Or have you given up hope?
The move back would be temporary at first. One of the things I put on hold when my husband and I met was getting my masters. I kind of dropped everything to move with him, and once I got here, we talked about it and decided I couldn't afford to go to graduate school. SO part of GAL for me is going back to school and getting my masters because I've been putting it off for so long. I figured it would give him two years (with breaks in between because its school after all) to think about things. In the end, I'll be able to make more money for us, OR if he's not interested, I'll just keep all the money to myself and its a win-win for me?
I just need something that makes me happy and gives me something to focus on and I think this would be helpful.
No, we don't have any kids. Just a dog that I'm going to miss dearly, maybe more than my husband (haha) since he is adamant that the dog stays with him.
My W was the opposite. She was adamant I take the dog with me, which still blows my mind because how attached she was to the dog.. She wanted nothing to do with her anymore
My W was the opposite. She was adamant I take the dog with me, which still blows my mind because how attached she was to the dog.. She wanted nothing to do with her anymore
That’s crazy, I can’t imagine wanting to get rid of a dog. But I guess I’m kind of a crazy dog lady. Maybe your dog got the better end of the deal?
My W was the opposite. She was adamant I take the dog with me, which still blows my mind because how attached she was to the dog.. She wanted nothing to do with her anymore
That’s crazy, I can’t imagine wanting to get rid of a dog. But I guess I’m kind of a crazy dog lady. Maybe your dog got the better end of the deal?
She is a huge dog person too always has been. The dog is treated better then a child lol. She is our dog of course but she is the one who adopted her and got her when she was living at home still. Thats what is so crazy . It blew my mind when she was like you get her
I guess I just keep getting my hopes up because his behavior is so erratic. One minute he's distant, doesn't say a word, the next minute he's asking me if I wanna go for a drive with him and texting me smiley faces like "I'll see you tomorrow :)" I know, I know. He's just messing around with my feelings. I hate it. part of me wants to keep working on it but the other half feels like I'm better than this.
He doesn't know what is going on. Don't try to mind read his behavior. And the old saying here is to believe nothing he says and only half of what he does.
You shouldn't move out of the marital bedroom (MBR). He wants out, he can get out.
Originally Posted by Lost808
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to fix things if he's not here very often and I'm not really supposed to be texting or calling him.
I'm not sure that you can "fix" this. But what you can do is take advantage of this time and space and improve yourself. 180 on negative behaviors. Get out and enjoy life. Make new friends, start new hobbies. Maybe he'll see this and wonder why your life is so great.
Originally Posted by Lost808
I figured it would give him two years (with breaks in between because its school after all) to think about things.
Two years? Please tell me you have not mentioned this to your H. If he thinks you'll stick around for that time frame you are just enabling him and creating problems. He needs to think and feel you aren't going to be there forever. Don't get me wrong, he does need space and time, but you can't let him think your OK as a plan B or a fallback for him.
Going back to school is fine, and if it's a win-win then great. However, it is a big decision to make while you're in the middle of a bigger, more stressful situation.
Originally Posted by Lost808
I just need something that makes me happy and gives me something to focus on and I think this would be helpful.
This is a great mindset. Find things that make your happy and keep your focus.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Two years? Please tell me you have not mentioned this to your H. If he thinks you'll stick around for that time frame you are just enabling him and creating problems. He needs to think and feel you aren't going to be there forever. Don't get me wrong, he does need space and time, but you can't let him think your OK as a plan B or a fallback for him.
Going back to school is fine, and if it's a win-win then great. However, it is a big decision to make while you're in the middle of a bigger, more stressful situation.
I've mentioned going back to school but I haven't mentioned the separation part. I'm not sure how he would even take that idea, honestly. He keeps mentioning moving back to Hawaii (which is where I am from and where I'm going back to) to start new there.
I mean, I don't really have any other responsibilities other than myself. He'll be gone and he's taking the dog so I won't have that either. It is kind of a lot at once, but I wouldn't start until September so it's not like I'm jumping right in. I'll have time to gather myself, and then at least have something to look forward to after all of this.
I met with a marriage counselor today for the first time, on my own. She recommended that I reach out to my husband and ask him if this is truly what he wants, because he’s sending me mixed signals. Part of me wants to but I’m also afraid of the answer I’m going to get that I won’t like. Not sure if I feel like this is a good idea or not but it’s better than just pretending like nothing is happening?
Lost.... Please, please, please do not do it. It is pressure and pressure will push him away. Take it from me. Every time my H moved towards me the least little bit, I practically jumped on him. Every time we talked about our MR, I felt better BUT it pushed him further away from me. I will be divorced by the summer. Trust the people on this site, keep the focus on you and leave him to his own devices. I know this is hard but it is you only chance at this stage. (((HUGS)))
