New thread- Newcomer pre-bomb drop

[Bern19]

Hmmm, well yeah that's a tough one. Knowing what you know I would think it would be kind of tough not to be cold towards her, and if you don't say something she's going to wonder what's up and see it as you being passive/aggressive. So I don't think #1 will work. #2, I would say absolutely not. Go for the kids no matter what. #3, probably the best option. But I would put it to her this way- "we planned this vacation 6 months ago and I am going for the kids. I would prefer that you didn't go, but I will leave that choice up to you."

yeah, i've noticed that my detachment has taken a turn for the worse. I do catch myself being cold towards her now where a month ago, I was happy to just be focused on me. Finding out she was lying is bad, cheating was even worse, but this recent turn where she is pretending to work on the marriage all while continuing contact with OM and lying about it is turning me sour. Maybe that's what it took to knock some sense into me.

I don't know if i could enjoy myself if I go with option # 1, because I'll be resenting her spoiling our vaca with her lies. #3 is what I was leaning towards, but I like the "prefer you didn't go" add on...

This isnt easy. I loved my WW so deeply. I truly did. I truly wanted to do everything I could to make her feel valued and appreciated and save my M. At the time I didn't see how badly my WW was treating me. I mean I guess I did but I just thought it was normal. I still loved her and wanted her badly. She was my world.

But she strayed and continues to speak with OM.

This sounds so much like me. At first I didn't even consider leaving. I went straight into heavy pursuit. I just figured if I could show her how much I loved her, it would break the spell and she'd fall back into my arms. Now that I have some distance, I too am realizing how poorly she's been treating me. I always felt like if I could just do better or be better, she would notice and would change how she treated me. I guess that's why I was so eager to get into reconciling.

What about option #4? Option #5 and #6 look better as well.

I'm willing to listen to any other options. One thing i've realized is I need to stop acting like I can figure this out on my own. I can no longer afford to be the stubborn jerk that refuses to ask for directions or to look at the assembly instructions.