13 years and 2 kids pt. 4.

[Hurt213]

Journaling:

So another couple of days went by - I have been busy working, and enjoying time with my kids, and I have really found a great rhythm for everything from bedtime to making lunchboxes while entertaining S2 and talking with D5 - it is very giving for me, to be responsible for everything, and it shows me, what I missed out on when I was depressed and sick. I can see, how much I could have shared with my ex, however you can't undo the past, and I decide to live in the present, and by that make the best future for me and my kids as I can.

I left for my parents place today (agreed that WW could come a day earlier this week - explained it in my last post). So here I am, having just enjoyed a nice meal. Sitting in a lean chair and doing some journaling. I packed my bags yesterday, and had some clothes hung up to try, and this morning, I took that clothe and put it in my bags, and wouldn't you know it... S2 had packed his two cars, that he just got for his birthday in my bag, i love that little guy so much....

I left a note, describing what the kids had experienced (daycare field trip for daughter), and then I took off. Life is really easy like this, when I do not spend daily life with ex, it makes it alright when I do see her - makes sense?

Its funny how it had to get to this point, but I have not been happier about myself in a very long time. I think it shows, because at the same time, my ex has upped her contact by a lot. She texts, tries to call and asks questions that I do not need to answer on a daily basis. She is very courteous, writing in a very formal detached way, and tries to keep it upbeat by adding a ton of emojis to everything she texts. Its fine, I dont really pay much attention towards it anymore, but in the beginning I had an idea that every emoji was pressed because it ment something deeper, how mentally was I.... - basically just scan the textfield these days, and unless its kids or finances, I delete the message.

Next week is winter holidays in my country, and she asked if I wanted to come with the kids to an activity park (trampoline graves and stuff) because with S2 it would be hard as a single parent to go and there would be a lot d5 could not try out then. I accepted the invitation, but because it gives me an opportunity to be together with my kids, and have a good time. I have gotten to the point, where I can be around my WW without emotions overflow my system, and I have a logical approach - I like that my brain no longer looks for clues to why and what, but holy cow the journey has been long.

So tomorrow I am going out with some friends. WWs best friend will most likely bump into me(she parties mostly every weekend), she texted me yesterday and asked who I was banging in the neighbor town - again I didn't engage in that conversation. And wouldn't you know it, I got a snap from my ex just hours later about some clothes shopping for the kids, and that snap was from said friends apartment... Nosy people .

So.. Life is good, I am better, mentally and physically than ever before, and I can say for the first time in as long as I can remember, that I am happy about my future, and I will be allright.