Careful with all of this. It sounds like a lot of talking to kind of 'show off' the things youve learned here. Its going to come off as jarring and sudden and more like a "trick" than a sincere change of heart. She asked to borrow a book and you launched into your feelings on divorce - seems a little strange. To me, if she wants to read the book, then just say "sure" or "Im reading through it now, but you can borrow it when Im finished." Why try to control what shes reading?
Noted. The backstory is that I asked her to go to MC or at least see my IC before I would agree to D. Now I am realizing I should not push her for anything, and let her go her own path. To me, this also means letting her find her own books to read *if* she really wants to read them for the right reasons. I fear this is a ploy of her to just tick the box that says 'read marriage books, didnt work for me'.
Originally Posted by MoveFrwd
So what exactly was the point of this interaction? To make her feel guilty? I promise this wasnt attractive[/b[ behavior. Next time, think actions instead of words. How can you [b]show that kids are "your world"? rather than just saying it?
Also, think about that last line. This isnt just what "she" is doing to your kids. What have you contributed to the breakdown of your marriage? Placing this kind of blame on her isnt going to brig you two any closer.
Good point. I think I am to the point I am not trying to get any closer. I am working on myself and setting up a future for my children and I the best I can. I have no effort left to work on her/our failing R. It's up to her to decide her own path and right now that path does not appear to include me. I can't change that and I am accepting of that (finally).
Originally Posted by svdad
I am actually detached now.
Originally Posted by MoveFrwd
Have you been reading up on detachment? It isnt really a light switch you just flip on or off. Its a process. Read up on what it means and what it DOESNT mean. Keep practicing. And keep posting!
I guess what I should have said is that I am finally starting the detachment process - *and* feeling good about it. It sure is a weight off your back when you get the right knowledge and have the right game plan for *your* own life. Change the things you can, accept the things you can not - etc.
