I do agree with those rules you use and have already started using them. And yes, she is (to me at least) way younger and you are right she does see me as you describe. When we met and she asked about my job and I told her she said “oh you don’t have a job, you have a career!” It surprised her I guess because so many guys aren’t stable/settled in employment. Was funny to me to hear that.
B, I've been dating my GF for 4 years now, and dated a couple of other young ladies before her. So I have some perspective on the dynamic of dating someone who is basically from a different generation. A lot of these young women are used to dating boys (I am not going to call them men, and I am not talking about age, some of them are in their 30's) who have never grown up. They lack a strong father figure and they're not being raised as men, they're basically being left alone in their rooms to do whatever they please, which is typically playing video games and living on social media. Their relationships with the opposite sex are mostly texting, and when they do get together these boys typically expect the woman to decide where they are going and what they are going to do. They don't even understand the basics of being a gentleman such as dressing nice, opening doors for their date, picking up the check, pulling their chair out, helping them with their coat, etc. If they work at all it's usually whatever odd job lands in their lap. The reason many of these young women look to date older men is because they are sick and tired of all the immature crap. They want the opposite of that. Part of the allure is you are experienced, professional, aloof, busy. In short- MYSTERIOUS. So constant texting is not going to flip her switches, she can get that from a dozen boys. You need to be different.
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Thing is from the start she was the one to call even FT, now she has cut back on that, but then earlier this week she wanted me to call her to say good night.
Sometimes my GF absolutely blows up my phone and sometimes she goes radio silent for hours or even days. When she goes radio silent it feels like she doesn't care. I mentioned that to her once early on and she said that she thinks about me constantly, especially when we're not texting back and forth. In fact she said the less we text the more she's thinking about me and fantasizing. So yeah, if she's not texting you that is not a bad thing. It doesn't mean she quit caring, could be quite the opposite. But you've got to resist the temptation to temp check her.
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Almost like she’s testing me saying “ok, I told him this was an issue, let’s see if he has fixed it and can handle it”.
She could be. But here's the thing, you need to quit sitting at home fretting about what it all means and just get out and GAL. Go work out or something. Sometimes I don't reply to my GF's texts for hours, but it's not because I'm trying to be mysterious or whatever, it's because I'm legitimately busy. Don't wait for her to text or call. Just do your thing, and when she texts then text back later when you have time. Because that is her perception of you anyway (that you are a busy man with a full life) and why she is attracted to you in the first place.
Originally Posted by ballast
The whole one/two text deal...makes me feel like the primary way we had to communicate day to day has dried up. Very mechanical now from how it was pre "Overwhelming" By that I mean..."How was your day?" <time_passes> "it was pretty good" <time_passes> "how was your's?" <time_passes> "could have been better" And while I enjoy any communication with her, this back and forth is boring and gonna kill any excitement we might have between us over time.
I try to avoid really generic talk like that. I'll ask her specific questions, like recently I found out about a haunted house show going on in a few weeks and mentioned it to her and asked if she wanted to go, what night and such. Her daughter is a girl scout and I asked how many boxes of cookies they've sold so far. She said she's working on a knitting project so I asked her about it and asked her to send me pictures. Stuff like that is more interesting and personal. But again, I let her drive the pace. I don't initiate many texts, I let her.
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so in my mind i wandering if she is like "will he call me, why hasn't he called me" as we've not talked, i decide just before bed to call...
But you WANT her thinking things like that! Remember, by mysterious!
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anyway i'm frustrated...for the first 10 days of knowing each other I thought we had wonderful open communication on text/phone...now I'm "robot world" with text, she has basically stopped calling, but she is still calling me hon/sweetie on text, says she's excited about us and other good things...this morning i decided not to text her good morning, hope you have a good day. i've been doing that every morning for like a week and i'm just thinking that being so reliable is gonna get me good guy zoned/no challenge/no need for pursuit from her and maybe that everyday is a bit much. i really do like her a great deal especially how we've communicated up to now...just feeling frustrated because I don't feel we have a way to get to know one another like we did initially.
Sounds like NGS kicking in. Be the alpha. Quit being so available. Pull back. She'll probably start pursuing, and if she doesn't then she's not as interested as you thought and it's time to look elsewhere.
