this evening she made contact with me in our house (first non kid communication if quite a bit) and asked if she could borrow my book I mentioned a couple of weeks ago (7 principles for making a marriage work).. it completely took me off guard, i took a deep breath, realized this is all more of her plot to either a) make her self feel better about being how she is and or b) just a ploy to make it look like she is 'trying all things' before filing for D. I said basically that I think she should go out research, and get her own books that suit her. No need to take my advice, or read what I am reading. She definitely was shocked. I then proceeded to say or more or less words the above that Steve85 said. I told her no need to go to my IC if she was not going for the right reasons. And that I am not going to step in her way of D - but I am totally against it but i won't fight her anymore about it - if this is what she wants go for it! But I am not helping her.
Careful with all of this. It sounds like a lot of talking to kind of 'show off' the things youve learned here. Its going to come off as jarring and sudden and more like a "trick" than a sincere change of heart. She asked to borrow a book and you launched into your feelings on divorce - seems a little strange. To me, if she wants to read the book, then just say "sure" or "Im reading through it now, but you can borrow it when Im finished." Why try to control what shes reading?
Originally Posted by svdad
I did say that she needs to understand that my kids are my absolute world, and that I am going to have a hard time not seeing them... to which she said "so are you going to fight me for custody?!" I told her that is not what I am saying, I have not thought about that yet - but just telling her how I feel about the kids and what she is doing to them.
So what exactly was the point of this interaction? To make her feel guilty? I promise this wasnt attractive[/b[ behavior. Next time, think actions instead of words. How can you [b]show that kids are "your world"? rather than just saying it?
Also, think about that last line. This isnt just what "she" is doing to your kids. What have you contributed to the breakdown of your marriage? Placing this kind of blame on her isnt going to brig you two any closer.
Originally Posted by svdad
I am actually detached now.
Have you been reading up on detachment? It isnt really a light switch you just flip on or off. Its a process. Read up on what it means and what it DOESNT mean. Keep practicing. And keep posting!
