I feel pretty good today, while at work I read your guys replies and used that to decide what I was going to do when I got home. I left work at 3, and I have an hour drive home. On the way home I stopped off at a gym and started a membership. I will probably go tomorrow after work. Then once I got home at around 4:30, I went out back and dug out my bike, filled the tires up, grabbed my headphones and went for a nice bike ride around the neighborhood for about 45 minutes. This actually felt really good and helped put me in a better mood for when I got home and was around the wife.
I then got back to the house from my bike ride around 5:30, went into the MBR bathroom and seen the rings still there hanging by the mirror, so I took them down and put them away, didn't want those in my face anymore everytime I walked into there and to have an effect on me, I then grabbed my bluetooth speaker and threw on some tunes, took a shower and then the wife woke up afterwards.
She started small talk again like yesterday, by first asking how my day was. I responded simply with "rough" and left it at that, she then went the same route as yesterday by telling me how her night was and I listened with little input, besides acknowledging what she was saying.
I cooked dinner again (The reason I cook is because our budget is set around meals, and these meals are also leftovers for me to take to work the next day. It's more beneficial for me). While cooking she seen a old note on the fridge that was reminder for a doctors appoint and she asked what it was, I nicely said "It's old, erase it". And I got a similar response as before "ok cranky" to which I just smiled and laughed. She seemed taken back by that reaction. I finished cooking and sat down for dinner. I stayed pretty quiet while eating until she started the small talk again by asking what made my day so rough, so I told her the problems I had during the day and left it at that.
She then got ready for work and said goodbye, see you tomorrow. And that was that for today.
Additionally, about year and a half ago I stopped smoking and switched to vaping. I felt so much better with a few weeks of that. a few weeks ago she had asked me what I wanted to do about the ring and I got up and left the house, forgot my vape and ended up buying cigarettes again. I had basically been smoking again since then. So today I straight up went cold turkey against both cigarettes and my vape. So to have the kind of day I did while fighting a nicotine craving I'm filing this under a successful day.
Couple of things. If she is calling you cranky, please reread the detachment thread. She should be seeing you as aloof, not cranky. Now maybe that is just her, not you.
"and I listened with little input, besides acknowledging what she was saying."
Read the validation thread. Validation is an amazing tool. It shows you understand how she feels without agreeing or disagreeing with what she is saying.
Her: "I hate when you do or say XYZ!"
You: "I can understand how that would upset you."
Also good job on the smoking/vaping! I was a smoker and quit cold turkey 25 years ago.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
