I feel pretty good today, while at work I read your guys replies and used that to decide what I was going to do when I got home. I left work at 3, and I have an hour drive home. On the way home I stopped off at a gym and started a membership. I will probably go tomorrow after work. Then once I got home at around 4:30, I went out back and dug out my bike, filled the tires up, grabbed my headphones and went for a nice bike ride around the neighborhood for about 45 minutes. This actually felt really good and helped put me in a better mood for when I got home and was around the wife.
I then got back to the house from my bike ride around 5:30, went into the MBR bathroom and seen the rings still there hanging by the mirror, so I took them down and put them away, didn't want those in my face anymore everytime I walked into there and to have an effect on me, I then grabbed my bluetooth speaker and threw on some tunes, took a shower and then the wife woke up afterwards.
She started small talk again like yesterday, by first asking how my day was. I responded simply with "rough" and left it at that, she then went the same route as yesterday by telling me how her night was and I listened with little input, besides acknowledging what she was saying.
I cooked dinner again (The reason I cook is because our budget is set around meals, and these meals are also leftovers for me to take to work the next day. It's more beneficial for me). While cooking she seen a old note on the fridge that was reminder for a doctors appoint and she asked what it was, I nicely said "It's old, erase it". And I got a similar response as before "ok cranky" to which I just smiled and laughed. She seemed taken back by that reaction. I finished cooking and sat down for dinner. I stayed pretty quiet while eating until she started the small talk again by asking what made my day so rough, so I told her the problems I had during the day and left it at that.
She then got ready for work and said goodbye, see you tomorrow. And that was that for today.
Additionally, about year and a half ago I stopped smoking and switched to vaping. I felt so much better with a few weeks of that. a few weeks ago she had asked me what I wanted to do about the ring and I got up and left the house, forgot my vape and ended up buying cigarettes again. I had basically been smoking again since then. So today I straight up went cold turkey against both cigarettes and my vape. So to have the kind of day I did while fighting a nicotine craving I'm filing this under a successful day.
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Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
Ah she took off the ring. That means she is free of her marriage vows. The modern take on marriage makes me want to puke. I promise to be true to you, until it's hard and then I quit and am free to be a disgusting, selfish person. Of course, no one has the guts to say that part in front of friends, family, and God. So if she has her ring off, who is it, exactly, that you are cooking food for?
I agree on the ring part, that it should stay on until if and when the D is done. When I noticed it, I had just finished dinner and she ate in the guest room, I was at the kitchen table and I was literally sick to my stomach that I couldn't eat. And I cook only because it's part of our budget and benefits me twice by having the leftovers for work. While I do like cooking for her, I am currently not looking at it that way and am more so looking at how it benefits me.
As for GAL, like said above I took my bike out for a nice ride today and will start going to the gym. I'm hoping going to the gym will not only help me work out physically (I'm not in bad shape as is, I can never seem to gain weight, my wife and her best friend both say how I haven't change a bit physically from high school haha, literally If I shave completely I look half my age) but also help "work out" these emotions I got as well.
Originally Posted by Steve85
Mikeyb, saw your thread the other day but didn't get a chance to read through the whole thing. I think you are reacting too much to her, and not acting from a place of knowledge. ......
Steve, thanks for all that. Really helpful stuff. As for a PA/EA after she hit me with the ILYBINILWY I did some recon to see if there might be someone else involved. I was not able to see anything that showed signs of someone else. Even now I still continue to check for any signs but there just is nothing there that says hey, you weren't supposed to be here at this time, or who is this person you are texting/calling, or why are you hiding your phone she just doesn't show any of those signs
And your right, I do try to find a way to rationalize my mistakes. Even though I do own them, I still try to put a reason behind them. I need to just say I messed up and take responsibility, and leave it at that. Will work on that
I am also continuing on the 180 to the other things I started after BD. Those have been going very well, I feel great now with those. It's mostly been completing projects I'd start and not finish, cleaning up the house both in general and after myself, keeping a good personal image of myself, better organization, better financial habits. It's been these that I have been doing very well at and I've noticed the change as I feel better about myself from these. And there is still more work to be done with them.
