Update…so my issue from this morning is resolved. She had replied to me to say that “it was a bit much sweetie” and that when she doesn’t reply right away I just keep sending texts. Now what I’m sending is more about all that I want to tell her and not pursuit/where are you type texts, but I understand that is too much for her. If she did the same to me, I wouldn’t think twice about it, BUT as we all know from being here, listening and being responsive to the feelings of our partners even if we don’t necessarily agree with them is very important. I did reply that I understood how so many texts could seem too much to her and so since this afternoon, I’m more like playing tennis or at most two texts before she replies.
Ginger1: Thank you for your input. I’m following it. As I say I didn’t see this as an issue, but if it is to her then it IS an issue and I’ll adjust accordingly. So…I’m a few years older than I claim in my signature (39), she is 29. Yeah a lot younger than me.
Stander: Yes it is a good sign. For sure when there are things she does not like, she tells me and she knows I won’t find her rude or get upset. Her approach is so open and different from the complete closed down way my WW was. I definitely validated her feelings and apologized and as I say have quickly adjusted how I text. And we have let it go. Truly learned something today as I’d never heard nor thought HOW I texted was too much, but now I know. I do agree with those rules you use and have already started using them. And yes, she is (to me at least) way younger and you are right she does see me as you describe. When we met and she asked about my job and I told her she said “oh you don’t have a job, you have a career!” It surprised her I guess because so many guys aren’t stable/settled in employment. Was funny to me to hear that. And yes, I do know that rule and I’m definitely applying it. And the rest of this week and weekend I’m GAL’ing with friends and without her which I feel is important in a new relationship just like in DB.
Yes I did learn by listening to her feelings, validating them, apologizing and correcting my behavior to address the issue. Thing is from the start she was the one to call even FT, now she has cut back on that, but then earlier this week she wanted me to call her to say good night. Now today we’ve talked about our days, but she hasn’t called or hardly texted at all since she got off work. Almost like she’s testing me saying “ok, I told him this was an issue, let’s see if he has fixed it and can handle it”. Best part is that having been through my sitch on here, detaching and letting her go I feel I’m currently expert level at. She has done more of the calling to me and I’d like to be able to make that more even, but at the same time I don’t want to run into trouble with that as I did with text. I like her a great deal, she tells me she is very excited as well that we've met, but these early weeks of getting the balance so to speak right...just seem so unsettled/uncertain. It's really amazing to me how much I have learned and grown about relationships from my time here.
Really appreciate the support on this non-DB stuff. It is very cool to realize that much of what I learned to get me along in my DB sitch is applicable as well in my future relationships.
