New thread- Newcomer pre-bomb drop

[Bern19]

Why not get your own IC for that?

She has been my IC. She knows my history. I guess it just seems more expedient since i can skip the 2-3 sessions of getting a new counselor up to speed. Plus I'm comfortable with her.

As for telling on her to the MC, what's the point? It seems like you really want to tell the MC what's going on. The MC's have more experience than us, they know how these things work. The counselors know they are being lied to a lot of the times, do you think that she's going to tell your W to stop lying and that your W would listen? There are business and clinical reasons not to do that.

I want to tell her that I'm bailing on the reconciling with my wife and done with MC because my wife is continuing with the OM. By telling her that, I'm effectively outing my wife as a liar. I know she confided in her friend that she hasn't been truthful with the IC. Maybe I asked my question poorly. What I was trying to say was if I go to her to talk about the change in our status, is it fair game to disclose, or because my wife hasn't disclosed that am I expected to keep that from the IC?

Just tell your W you won't be with a woman who is an affair. If you do that, it's probably time to kick her out. She is disrespecting you and your family and your marriage. And did you ever out the OM to his W? I know you and him had some discussions before.

And if you can't kick her out or tell her/show her you won't be with a cheater then just go to the moving on part without saying anything.

Then move on, go out with buddies, play sports, go hunting, enjoy your newfound freedom like you were a single guy again. Talk to women, go on adventures, whatever you like.

I think this is my plan. I love my wife, but just can't stand looking at her while I know she is lying to me. I don't know if all this will be easier to handle if I don't have to see her all the time, but I'm to the place where I think i'd like to give it a try. Not loving the idea of a separation for the kids sake though. I know the two youngest will be traumatized and the ww will actually believe that their pain is on me. smh.